Rolling Stones week on Idol was particularly disappointing. For some reason, going in, I was under the illusion that the twelve remaining contestants wouldn’t completely butcher the songs of one of the greatest rock bands of all time. I spend so much time shoving love at Idol that I often forget how far removed from “good” music these performances actually are. But by far the biggest disappointment was the notable absence of the Stones themselves. Where was Keith, cigarette dangling, body angling floor-ward after nine too many bottles of Jack Daniels, spitting both literal and metaphorical bile at these bleach-teethed sickeningly sober, saving-themselves-for-marriage contestants? Keith’s absence got me thinking about Keith’s general absence from my TV screen. How does this guy not have a reality show yet? The possibilities are endless. Imagine an hour of Keith each week, swapping wives or Keith vs. Wild, or even some kind of Keith Richards dating show in which leather-wrapped contestants chug lighter fluid for a date with the one and only Keef? This is why I should be running MTV.

Other Brief Thoughts, because it’s too nice outside to spend all day writing about Idol:

-Glad Big Mike’s off the Hootie McMraz-tip and sticking with the yes-I’m-actually-black soul thing.

-According to Randy, Mike, “slayed it.” I think this is Randy’s new catch phrase.

-Didi calls her mom, “Mommy Benami.” Awesome.

-Casey James is actually from Cool, Texas. Ditto on the awesome.

-Interesting to see how far Casey gets on the teenage girl vote. He’s a good but limited singer. Then again, so was Taylor Hicks, and he won.

-Randy reffered to Casey as, “Bluesy, kind of fiery, Stones-ey, rocky.” I like to call this kind of sentence, “Found Art.” If only Donald Barthelme had been around for Idol…

-Glad Ellen finally came out as a…blonde.

-Lacey needed to go.

-I thought the judges were a little harsh on Andrew Garcia. The arrangement was lame, but his singing was pretty good. I also like that his dad always thought he would become a janitor because he loved keys as a child.

-For some reason I don’t hate Katie Stevens as much as everyone else does. Why is that? Maybe because she reminds me of every (non-Jewish) girl I went to high school with.

-Tim Urban’s got to go! I said enough on this matter last week.

-Siobhan’s dad makes me like her even more.

-Obviously she sang “Paint it Black” wearing all black. Obviously she screamed at the end. Also, she looks kind of like a young Elizabeth Taylor.

-Judges were way harsh on Lee Dewyze. His “Beast of Burden” was great - very contemporary, well-executed. Could have been a hit for the Counting Crows.

-Paige Miles was a lot better this week, but still pretty boring. My GF thinks she’s lost a lot of weight since being on Idol. I think my GF should have her own column - Eating Habits of the Rich and Famous. Sarah, you up for it?

-Still can’t stand that little twerp Aaron Kelly.

-Crystal is my homegirl.