My 13-year-old self was elated upon hearing the news: Hogwarts is opening in Florida next year.

Ever since I mentally stepped foot into J.K. Rowling’s mysterious, intricate butterbeer-filled world, every train ride has reminded me that I could be en route to a spell-protected castle, a lake swimming with grotesque-looking mermaids, and a shop filled with myriad treats that make me sick, allowing a quick escape from an awkward situation. In fact, my last train ride, from Los Angeles to Northern California, included some Potter-esque danger: a tree fell in the tracks during a rough storm, and I was forced to take a bus the rest of the way. Disappointed in my “magical adventure,” I have since been on a train hiatus.

But behold: “Islands of Adventure,” a secret land found in Florida by some nice people at an underground park called “Universal Studios Orlando.” Apparently, a portion of it has been turned into a makeshift Hogwarts.  Not only does this land (dubbed “Wizarding World of Harry Potter”) mimic Hogsmeade, Harry’s happening village where he has courted his dates with warm beverages and candy, but it also features a train….with.real.smoke. Cancel all vacation plans you made for the next year, folks. This is the real deal.

This glimpse into Hogwarts is set to open next spring (after some magical kinks are worked out). What not to expect: abstract details in the over 3,000 pages of Rowling’s series, or even those that Warner Brother’s selectively chooses to release in its films. The rides, as I’m politely calling them, include a family roller coaster and a tour through the Hogwarts castle (Sleeping Beauty’s castle at Disneyland, anyone?).

Expect the most usual, tourist-centric attractions:

-Three Broomsticks Restaurant (you might not hear a Seer reveal your future, but hopefully you can request an adult beverage).

-Hog’s Head Pub — Drinks including Butterbeer and pumpkin juice (Again, 13-year-old self is thrilled, current self hopes these drinks are delicious spiced to live up to the “pub” name, proving that Hogsmeade is not just for kids).

-Dervish and Banges: A shop that will rob you of money best spent on chips at the pub or stealing an artifact that Filch collected (See Filch’s Emporium of Confiscated Goods). It features Quidditch equipment and remembralls (which might remind you that you should spend your money on a real adventure trip).

-Honeydukes (You can purchase Chocolate Frogs that don’t move and try to hop away, or Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans, which include flavors like vomit, which I have regrettfully tried).

Overdosing on sugar and pumpkin juice sounds fine and dandy, but where is my Maurader’s Map that allows me to stalk everyone in the castle? Where are the deadly potion-making classes? Where are the centaurs that take away evil, prejudiced professors? This land seems mostly mimic shops, and the ‘Island of Adventure’ could also benefit from a hostel. (It would be the hippest hostel in the nation, mark my words. Backpacking through Europe and roughing it through international hostels? Ha! Tomorrow’s young adults could be fighting dragons alongside a castle and taking divination workshops.)

Also, there is an owlery, but my messenger owl, Ranger, is a free spirit and does not play well with others. Regardless of all the magical gaps, however, I will be attending opening week, accepting the sad realization that literature creates a world that reality can never match.

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