Earlier today the two top Italian managers in the Premier League, Carlo Ancelotti and Roberto Mancini, sat down with England’s Italian coach Fabio Capello to discuss the John Terry Affair. The Faster Times was present to record their conversation.

Ancelotti: Let me begin with a question. Why does John Terry have two first names like a Pope?

Capello: Carlo, my friend, he has not been acting like a Pope in the shower looking down on the unemployed (laughter). He was fucking his teammate’s girlfriend!

Ancelotti:  And this is a crime against humanity? Have you seen the pictures? This is not some dog of a British WAG he was boning, this is a bona fide French hottie.  What would Berlusconi say?

Capello: Bravo John Terry Bravo!

Ancelotti:  Per l’appunto! You and I know that the English are terrible lovers and they do not even know how to tie a man-scarf like Mancini. Maybe this Wayne Ponte was a loser in bed. Maybe he fucked like a left back and even a stupido central defender like JT was a step up.

Mancini: No he never touched her back. It was the ass.

Capello: Cretino! Wrap your fucking scarf and shut up.

Ancelotti: Did he fuck Ponte’s sister as well?

Capello: No

Ancelotti: So why is everyone getting so worked up?

Mancini. Because of the ass.

Cappello: Imbecille. Did you think you would beat Manchester United with your huge fucking blue and white scarf? You lost to that drunken Scot! Go drink donkey piss.

Ancelotti: Tell me you are not going to strip him of his captaincy!

Capello: Al contrario! He has shown himself to be a real man with a mistress, secrets, clandestine rendezvous (what is the plural of that word? Rendezvousvous?). In our country he could run for Mayor of Spoleto. As long as he doesn’t fuck my girlfriend I’m down with his comportamento.

Mancini: I have photos. Look–if that isn’t in the forbidden city…

Capello: How many times do I have to tell you? The British doesn’t care about in the ass…they all do it!!! Men, women, animals, trees. I have to pull them out of trees on the training grounds!

Ancelotti: Abramovich is unhappy. He is scared for his own girlfriend.

Capello: Tell it to the Camorra. The big Russkie bear is a scaredy cat.

Mancini: I love the way Lord Alex tie his scarf. It is not elegante, but he throw over one shoulder with abandon. He is free of the bourgeois demands of the fashionista police. While I am trapped! If I don’t look better than Mourinho I might as well lie down for John Terry.

Ancelotti: Drogba fucked your mother.

Capello: Why tell him now???

Ancelotti: (shrug) What kind of a name is Vanessa Peroncell?

Capello: What are you? An etymological ignoramus? It is from the Italiano-it’s mean BIG STONE.

Mancini: JT has big stones.

Ancelotti: She fucked cinqe Chelsea players and even that blonde Iceberg lettuce who is playing for the Jews now.

Capello: She is “effronte,” as we said in Paris after the war.

Mancini: She is a back too.

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