Definitions didn’t vary greatly between the sexes, but 95 percent of respondents agreed that penis-in-vagina counts as sex. That number drops to 89 percent when the guy doesn’t ejaculate.  Regardless of ejaculation, 77 percent of older guys do not consider this sex at all, which is kind of sweet for those 23 percent believing they have to do more than just get it in for it to count (although worrisome for sexually transmitted disease awareness).

Because no one can agree here, authors of the study argue it’s important for medical professionals to be explicit when seeing a patient for possibly STD-related symptoms-especially when gathering data like “How many partners have you had?”  Ah yes, I’m brought back to my trip to the gyno at 20, stuttering, “I haven’t had intercourse with anyone yet, but-but-” the nurse kindly cut me off, asking out many people I had outercourse with.  I wasn’t quite sure what that meant, but I gave her a number anyways.

So when someone asks for your number, you can pretty much count however you want (”Well I had my socks on that time, so. . .”).  Unless they specifically ask you how many P’s have been in your V-although even then you could feign ignorance.   I thought you were asking about pianos in my van!

Bad acting aside, this is directed at the wrong demographic: women in their twenties.  By the time women have hit their twenties, most have suffered at least one heartbreak-or at the very least, some dude made them feel very crappy for reasons they don’t understand.  I would have loved to see younger guys discussing sexy times.  I also would have changed the tagline. . .let me  suggest: “Guys are idiots.”

Look, being 16 is confusing for everyone involved.  Girls specifically are learning that deferring to men is attractive-I don’t want to get too Women’s Studies 101 here, but suffice to say I’ve learned the hard way it’s best to let the guy make the first move.   The problem is that when it comes to sex, teen girls may not realize the danger of letting him lead the way: he doesn’t know what’s going on either.

In my version of the ad, adolescent boys would be asked questions about menstruation and the clitoris.  You could also ask the boys how they decide how far they will go, I’m guessing young women will be both empowered and disturbed when they learn it’s “as far as they’ll let me.”  The point isn’t to demean or further gender stereotypes, the point is to teach young girls what’s up: no matter how cute or smart your special guy is, odds are at 16, he’s a little unclear about this whole sex thing.

Photo by wharman.

At Earth Erotics, you can purchase Earth-friendly sex toys like the Recycled Rubber Direct Slap, which promises “the only person you are punishing is your partner, not the environment.”  Other recycled rubber products include the Standard Recycled Rubber Whip and the Thud Lover-the latter of which is made from recycled car, truck, and heavy machinery innertube.  I’m not exactly clear on what the Thud Lover does, but I guess if you love thuds, you’ll love the Thud Lover. . .and the environment!  Or something.

Earth Erotics also has the Delight Rechargeable Vibrator, which I found appealing because having to throw out batteries used solely for erotic purposes always seemed a little depressing.  Juicy Logic also has a ton of rechargeable vibrators-including the very eco-friendly-looking Earth Angel, which has a hand crank you use to charge the battery.  I’m not sure I see the logic is using my hand to charge an item that is a replacement for. . .my hand, but hey, maybe maybe it will come in handy when you’re camping.  I suppose I could always use Juicy Logic’s solar-powered vibrator: The Sola Vibe.  Keep an eye for that one in my window sill.

Or wait. . .do you need to use it outside?

Photo by moria.

The sign up process is pretty simple: you choose whether you’ll be going on a single or double date, then select the neighborhoods easiest for you to get to on short notice, the times you’re available, fill out a super quick profile (including questions like “You’ll know because I look like:”), and as soon as someone else matches up with your neighborhood/time slot, you get an e-mail.  Crazy Blind Date even asked me if I’d rather meet at a coffee shop or a bar, which I felt was thoughtful of them.  (Coffee dates make me extra jittery.)

I signed up Monday night, and Tuesday morning got two separate e-mails with two potential dates (I had said I was available Tuesday and Wednesday between 7 and 10 pm).  The e-mails included my potential dates’ name, age, and neighborhood we would meet in.  Below this info was a link, where I could review his short profile and select a bar from a drop down list of site-approved meeting spots.  I said yes to both dates and felt the rush of being sexy and popular.  I had dates!  Two of them!  And Crazy Blind Date makes it very clear that a “yes” is binding-these boys would not be canceling on me.

A half an hour before the date begins, CBD opens a “relay” text system.  If you text “CUPID,” they’ll relay the text to your date-this was very helpful both nights, as I was able to text things like “I’m wearing glasses today” or “I’m the redhead at the bar with a book.”  (Apparently I like to sound smart in my text messages.)  As far as the dates themselves, things went well both nights.  The bars were easy to find, the guys were nice, normal guys.  I wouldn’t say there were tons of sparks, but hey, it was a blind date.  It was quick, it was fun, and afterwards I got to live the dream:  Crazy Blind Date asked for feedback on my date.

The idea is to both get a sense of your tastes so they can set you up on better dates in the future and (I’m guessing) to weed out the uh, subpar daters.  So, the more dates you go on, the better matched you could be in the future.  Now, I find dating and getting to know people pretty exhausting and occasionally expensive, so the idea on going on tons of dates to post feedback and go on better dates seems a little . . .exhausting and expensive.  But hey, if you just need to get back on the horse or don’t want to stay in tonight, Crazy Blind Date seems like a decent way to get the ball rolling.

Photo by www.charlietphoto.com.

hatch a plan: to lure Davis to a hotel room and then yell at him a lot.

Ziemann meets Davis at a motel, where she ties him up and blindfolds him under the guise of sexy times. She then texts her co-conspirators to meet her and cuts off his underwear. Either before or just after the underwear cutting (that bit is unclear), she finds her 12 year old daughter’s phone number in her lover’s phone, and mother dearest gets PISSED. In the heat of the moment, she pulls out nail glue from her make up bag and glues Davis’s (assumed erect) penis to his torso.

Then the other ladies show up and “belittle” him for a bit until Davis struggled free.

The four women were arrested, but none were sentenced to jail-just probation and community service. Davis’s penis is fine. The Associated Press isn’t releasing Davis’s name because he’s a victim of sexual assault.

And now, if anyone asks what you know about that whole “penis glue thing,” you can say, “Yeah, bitches!” and tell them the above.

Photo by Will Fuller.

Not only do you have a little longer to take the pill, it’s more likely to stop you from getting preggers: On Plan B you have a 2.6% chance of pregnancy versus the elleOne’s 1.8%.  It’s still a ways from being over-the-counter (or being available stateside), so for the time being keep rushing to the pharmacy the morning after, and cross your fingers.

A study tracked approximately 1,700 women between the ages of 16 and 36 who received emergency contraception after having unprotected sex, where about half used Plan B and half used ellaOne.  Of those using Plan B, twenty two got knocked up.  Of those using ellaOne, only fifteen found themselves with child.  I don’t know what freaks me out more: the fact that they found 1,700 women who had unprotected sex, or the fact that now there are at LEAST thirty seven women walking around accidentally pregnant.

Either way, it wouldn’t hurt to use some birth control before ejaculation.

Photo by L_Savage.

Miss Roxxxy also has varying, customizable personalities for each customer. Users can design these personalities and upload their favorites to True Companion’s social networking site. Douglas Hines, the engineer behind this technology, mentions “Wild Wendy”-the particularly vocal personality already ready to go.

It seems dangerous to sell artificial women. A couple years ago, Salon.com ran an article giving some insight to the value of sex dolls for those who are unable to have a relationship, but I can’t shake the sense that these dolls are easy to abuse. It’s not that you can’t have a healthy relationship with a sex doll, it’s just that it seems easy to have an unhealthy one. And please note, when I say “healthy relationship,” I’m not talking about dating the inanimate object. I mean “healthy relationship” in the same way you can have a healthy relationship with alcohol, or your Blackberry.

If I meet a guy who watches too much porn, my concern is not that he’s watching too much porn. It’s that he has limited real world understanding of how the clitoris works. Or how conversation works. I’m guessing his interpersonal skills are subpar. It’s not that I think he’s creepy or an idiot (although sometimes he comes off that way), it’s just that I’m not sure he understands how to relate to women on a human (and not just sexual) level. In my experience, the guys who genuinely “respect women”-or in other words, treat them like people-are the guys who have sisters. The more life like sex dolls get, do they give men lacking skills a chance to practice? Or do they alienate these men more by making sex too accessible?

Either way, the intense look on Hines’ face as he earnestly stimulates Roxxxy’s latex vagina is pretty fun to watch:

Photo by Come As You Are Co-operative.

The site, which CNN dubbed “The sexiest website in the world today,” took action when recent holiday pictures revealed some members had let themselves go, and frequent users of the site began complaining of the decline in hotness.  Those deemed “recently chubby” (well over 5,000 total) were moved back to the “rating stage” in the application process-basically making these members reapply and reprove their beauty.  Only a few hundred made it through this process a second time.

Just how bad do these people look?  And how fat did they get?  It’s true some people look better when they’re on the skinny side.  Of course, some people look better when they’re on the fat side.  (In my world, there is no middle side.)  A link at the bottom of the site’s homepage reads “Too ugly to sign up?  Click here to browse Beautiful People as a guest,” and a quick look reveals some pretty decent (read: hot) looking people.  There’s no one below average here, and I have to acknowledge I don’t see any fatties.  Greg Hodge, the site’s managing director, warns us that “Every year we see that some of our members from western cultures eat and drink to excess over the holidays and clearly their looks suffer,” and the members who voted off the heifers warn us that people are bitchy when you get fat.

Photo by Foto_blog.

Contrary to what you might think, moving out of your parents’ house did not necessarily correlate with maturity. In fact, many students who were not living at home had negative sexual experiences-Dalton suggests this is because they cope with the stress of moving out through crazy sex (well, she just calls it “sexual intimacy”). So go ahead, bone that guy in his parents’ basement-as long as you too are mature, it should be some pretty good sex.

The study emphasizes that sex should not be used as a litmus test for whether someone is mature or not. Ah, college, perhaps the one time in your life when you’re so surrounded by potential lays that you could actually say to yourself, “Am I mature? Maybe I should have sex with that guy over there and find out.”

Of course, if you have to ask yourself. . .better stick to BJs. According to Dalton, the above applies to penetrative sex only. Students engaging in oral sex did not show the same correlation. Which is great, because then you can just say, “Oh honey, I’m sorry, I’m not mature enough for sex and it will make me feel horrible, but you can still go down on me!”

Photo by LeatherChrissy.