Photo Lists

Pairs Figure Skating Moves or Sex Positions: You Make the Call

Katie Natopolis — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 05:26:46 +0000

Look, I’ve seen The Cutting Edge enough times to know that pairs figure skating is the second most hetero thing two people can do that involves lifting a leg all the way over your head while wearing flesh-toned spandex. Most of those pairs skaters are real life couples, and you just know they’re working on their lifts and throws in the nude at home.

Here are the names of a few of these pairs skating moves you might have seen in Vancouver 2010, but also recognized from that weird night on tequila in college. TOEPICK!

If you don't recognize this move, you have never truly pleased a woman.

"The Jim Henson" also known as "Fistful of Dollars"

"Booty Inspector"

"Darth Maul"

"The Widowmaker Babymaker"

"Every Step You Take, I'll Be Watching You"

"The Flying V"

These skating girls aren't easy, so if you wanna do these move, you're gonna have to put a ring on it.

"69-sicle"

Photos of Weird Erotic Crap on Ebay

Katie Natopolis — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 05:10:36 +0000

Unless you’ve recently been in the market for some gently used erotica, chances are you weren’t aware that Ebay has an “Adults Only” section. Tucked away in the “Everything Else” category, entrance into the “Adults Only” section requires you to be 18 years or over, and requires a credit card for age identification, even if you already have an Ebay account with PayPal. Hassle? Yes. Worth it? Trust me.

It may not be easy to access, but this dark and lonely corner of the Ebay universe has some treasures worth seeking. The blog NSFWhat? aka Not Safe For Whaaaaat? (from the same genius mind as Girls of Ebay) finds the best of the awkwardly erotic knick-knacks, bric-a-brac, and basically junk. Mildly racist erotic playing cards from the 70s? Check. Brass belt buckle of a couple mid-coitus? BUY IT NOW. Crocheted penis warmer? Father’s Day is just around the corner, people!

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My Bloody Valentine’s Day Photos

Katie Natopolis — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 16:29:29 +0000

There are two things that everyone can agree to hate: Valentine’s Day and live band photography. Valentine’s Day for all the obvious reasons, and live band photography because it always looks crummy and who cares about 25 pictures of the bassist from behind anyway? People who take 100 pictures during a show (professionals excluded) have a special place in the “NO ONE CARES” torture chamber of hell right next to the people who post pictures of their food at restaurants. You know who you are.

Well, here’s an exception to the rule about Valentines and gig photos. Snapshots from 1988 and 1989 of My Bloody Valentine. Here’s the secret to great band photos, kiddies: only take about 8 pictures on a crappy actual film camera of a band in a small venue before their most important album comes out, then wait 20 years. Important: band must go on hiatus for those 20 years while frenzied demand builds. Then, your pictures will look AMAZING!

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Leeds. 1988

Photos of Awesome 80’s Hair

Katie Natopolis — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:26:25 +0000

The best users you can stumble across on Flickr are 40-50 something men (it’s always men) who have carefully scanned in photographs from their entire life, and if you’re really lucky, they were pretty cool at some point. Here are some such pictures from a 1989 pool party in Long Island that includes members of hair metal bands Kix and Tora Tora.

On a snowy February day, don’t forget that at one point, there was sun and hot weather and girls in bikinis with big perms and guys with bigger perms.

All photos with permission from Steven J. Messina.

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Rad dudes, hot babes.

Bonus: Photos of Old People Playing Guitar Hero

A Guy Who Invents Jetpacks Takes Photos with Celebrities

Katie Natopolis — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:15:03 +0000

Do you like rocket-powered personal vehicles? Do you like celebrities? If you’re like most people I know, the answer to both those questions is “NO DUH.” Ky Michaelson, aka “The Rocket Man,” has amassed an impressive collection of both of these, and he’s got the pictures to prove it. True fact: famous people LOVE jetpacks.

For more information, check out The Rocket Man’s website, or The Faster Times’s entire section dedicated to news on Jetpacks.

You’ll recognize Ky “Rocket Man” Michaelson as the guy with the sweet mustache in these photos.

Gene Hackman

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All photos with permission from Ky Michaelson, from http://www.the-rocketman.com/

Photos of Erotically-Charged Twister Matches

Katie Natopolis — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 05:59:47 +0000

Imagine you’re at a party with a bunch of total babes, and a game of sexy adult Twister suddenly breaks out (could happen). Now, you might think the objective is just to rub up against your scantily clad opponent, or get a peek down her bikini.

Well, that’s what a loser would think. A winner would see this as a real competition, and therefore an opportunity to flex your world pwnage.

I’ll give you all the benefit of the doubt that you’re born winners with the edge of the tiger, so let me tell you my secret technique:

1. Get into position with your rear facing opponent’s face
2. Blast gas
3. ??????
4. Profit!!!

Check out the slideshow of these valiant Twister warriors:

Surprisingly, boob grabbing is almost as effective as the gas blast to distract your opponent.

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Photos from Flickr Creative Commons

A Farewell to Those Dorky 00 New Year’s Glasses

Katie Natopolis — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 20:24:10 +0000

This New Year’s Eve, you might notice a familiar old friend missing, as the third digit of 2010 sounds the death knell for those novelty 00 glasses. I imagine a bunch of 14 year olds in China lost their jobs last December as the final batch of 2009 glasses were cranked out.

The bummer is that just around last year they had finally gone from stupid to ironically cool. And now they’re gone. Here’s a look back at the past decade’s New Year’s fad:

2000

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The tradition begins.

Photos of Terrible Office Holiday Parties

Katie Natopolis — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 05:39:43 +0000

Office holiday parties are pretty cool — if you enjoy spending quality time with your coworkers or have never been to an actual party in your entire life.

The only thing worse than the typical office party is the daytime office party because there’s not even a chance anyone’s going to get drunk enough to do anything embarrassing.

Check out these awful office holiday parties:

If the office holiday party could be summed up in one image, this would be it.

The Xerox machine: the perennial star of the office party.

Stockings hung with care:

The joys of Secret Santa.

The two key elements: somehow depressing festive decorations and gross food.

The guy who always sneaks away to eat at his desk.

Photos from Flickr Creative Commons.

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Zwarte Piet: Photos of Holland’s Racist Christmas Tradition

Katie Natopolis — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 16:02:38 +0000

Whenever you start to feel bad about race relations here in the U.S., it’s always nice to remember that Europe is approximately one million times more f’d up. Take Holland’s beloved Christmas tradition of Black Pete (Zwarte Piet), Santa’s black slave in a court jester outfit. Santa, as the story goes, has captured Black Pete and forced him to accompany him on his rounds. If you are a good little Dutch boy or girl, Santa will bring you presents. But if you are naughty, Black Pete will abduct you and take you back with him to Spain.

So here’s a little Christmas treat for you to enjoy the next time some Euro starts jabbering about how Americans have such hangups about ze nudity. Dutch people dressed up as Zwarte Piet in Christmas parades and local festivities:

Photos from Flickr Creative Commons.

Photographic Proof That Men Love Giving “Pretend” Lap Dances

Katie Natopolis — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 04:10:20 +0000

Women become strippers because of a need for attention and a hate for their dads. Men give lap dances because of a desperate need for attention and because their dads loved them too much and instilled too much confidence and self-esteem in them.

My favorite part about a man lap dance is that somewhere, deep inside — regardless of the pretense of it all being just a joke — the man secretly believes he’s sexy.