No less of a person than Albert Einstein once said the following, and I quote: “The triumph of the idiots is eternal and forever.” End quote. So, there’s that. So the next time you’re feeling down in the dumps about the stupidity of your fellow man, you can say this to yourself: “Hey, Albert Einstein — winner of the Nobel Prize and Time Magazine’s “Man of the Century” — thought that people were a bunch of retarded nutsacks too.” And then maybe you can feel slightly better about things.
And anyway: there’s no cause for concern. Because I bring you good news, everyone! For only 28% of Americans are actually completely retarded mouth-breathing nutsacks. “Why only 28%?” you say. …Because that’s the percentage of Americans who believe that Sarah Heath Palin is qualified to be President of these United States.
Still, that’s not so bad, right? Only 28% of Americans are that dumb! …Or at least, it’s not so bad until you actually have to hang out with these people and listen to them talk. …And so it is with a great feeling of dread that I bring you the following video clip, recorded at the Columbus, Ohio stop on Sarah Palin’s “Going Rogue” book tour. See how far you can make it into the video before you turn it off! I myself made it to about the 3:32 mark before I bashed my own head in with a rock and died:
“The state that, that she did govern was right across the street from Russia.” Thank you, guy in Pittsburgh Steelers jacket! That’s just wonderful. Please allow me to reply to you with some of the patented political insight that this column has become well-known for. Ahem…
BA HA HAH HA HAH HA HA HA HA HA HA! BAH HA HA HA HA! BAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! BA HA. AH HA. A HA HA. HA HA. A HA HA. A HA. A HAW HAW HOO.
…Oliver’s laughter gradually turns into tears.
Oliver weeps for America.
Oliver picks up rock again.
Bashes head in again.
Dies.
_____
A Note from the Author: This column contains elements of “rhetorical hyperbole.” Therefore, I did not actually die twice while writing it. Also, the second worst guy in the video is the one who says: “Compromise is for people that are wrong!” Or maybe the woman who says, “We’re first, other people last.” Or maybe the guy who starts yammering about white votes and Marxism and illegal aliens. …Or, you know what? Everyone in this video is identically awful. I give up. Never mind.
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AnotherStrayCat says:
Wow, no protestors yet. Amazing. I guess they're all still off-line working through the opus.
Nathan Alderman says:
Weird. There's no right wing douche-dicks on here posting how great Sarah Palin would be running the country...Or posting how the pages of their copy of Newsweek with her on the cover are all stuck together.
Nathan Alderman says:
I was able to see the video, finally... Holy dogshit! I just made it one minute and twenty-six seconds in. These people physically make me sick to my stomach. If someone asks them about her stance on the issues, at least ONE of these wastes of human cells should be able to say at least she's fucking pro-life. These dumbfucks SHOULD at least be able to fire that one out immediately without standing there with no answer as to what Sara Palin is all about.
Oliver Miller says:
Yeah, I'm sorry, but... If someone asks you why you like Sarah Palin, "FREEDOM!!!!" is not an acceptable answer. ...That's just... not an actual answer. Oy.
Caitlin says:
Also not actual answers: "Fairness! and Realness!"
oh well. Drill baby, drill! (Not just for oil, but for gas)
mike says:
wow. bad choice of words. retarded nutsacks? retarded had nothing to do with this story. the last time I checked retarded didn't mean stupid. maybe you should call a spade a spade, meaning if you are dealing with a total nut job like sarah palin call her that. When you use the word retarded you not only demean people with special needs but you make yourself look like a total tool.