Of all the boogeymen at the root of the massive global climate change problem, none is more troubling in the hearts of the meat-loving masses than agriculture.  The animals we so dearly love to feast upon (and you know I do) are spewing more methane into the atmosphere than ever before, and with the global rise in meat consumption as more rural parts of the world become industrialized and have increased access to affordable beef, pork and lamb (meat consumption in developing countries shot up almost 200% from 1962-2003, according to a report by the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization), those levels look they’re only going to keep going up.   So, as much as I hate to admit it, it’s absolutely true: steaks and pork chops and lamb legs, delicious as they may be, might very well usher in the apocalypse.  Hence, the current dilemma on the minds of mindful carnivores: do I have to become a vegetarian now, or is there any way I can keep the world from meeting a hot, smelly end without having to give up my flesh-indulging ways?

The answer, thankfully, is yes.  We can still have meat in our diets and actually reduce our contribution to harmful animal “emissions.”  The key is not to stop eating meat, but to rethink the meat we put on our plates.  To paraphrase the famous Apple advertising slogan, we need to “(M)eat Different.”  Here are a few alternatives to consider:

1) Toss a kangaroo on the barbie.    Greenpeace, of all organizations, raised the “save the world, eat a kangaroo” idea in late 2007, as part of a report titled “Paths to a Low-Carbon Future,” and the notion has since grabbed serious international attention.  Among the reasons to opt for ‘roo steaks instead of beef ribeyes is that Australia’s beloved marsupials produce none of the greenhouse gasses emitted by cows and sheep, not to mention that they require significantly less land-clearing.  Plus, because they’re not hooved, Skippy doesn’t damage the soil.  According to the Greenpeace report’s author, Dr. Mark Diesendorf, cutting our beef consumption by 20% and replacing the rest with kangaroo meat would result in a 15 megaton reduction in greenhouse gasses in the atmosphere by 2020.  Fifteen megatons for eating tasty meat?  Sign me up.  Additionally, kangaroos are not even farmed; a quota of 10-12% of the animal population is culled every year as a conservation method by the Australian government, with supervision by the RSPCA.  Environmental issues notwithstanding, you should probably also be aware that a nice kangaroo filet isn’t only delicious (recipe below), but it’s good for you, as well.  Roos are low in saturated fat and cholesterol, and high in iron, protein and CLA (conjugated linoleic acid), an amino acid that helps burn fat and build lean muscle.  (Read more on this from FT writer Hannah Wallace.)  Fitness buffs have been taking CLA supplements for years now, and you can get a similar benefit just by eating a nice helping of kangaroo, and do a good deed in the war against global warming in the process.  Not too shabby, eh?

2) Don’t have a cow, man…have a camel.  Australians seem to be all about the green issue when it comes to meat these days.  Not long ago, there was a call by Aussie environmentalists urging their citizens to consider putting a little more camel in their diets.  Oh yes, camel meat. In a 12/9/08 AFP report, “Australians were urged Tuesday to eat camels to stop them wreaking environmental havoc, just months after being told to save the world from climate change by consuming kangaroos.”  Apparently, the feral camel population in the outback is something of a problem for the Aussie ecology. This tends to happen when people introduce foreign fauna to a new environment — the same thing occurred in 1930 when trappers brought nutria — those hideous, three-foot-long, orange-toothed, amphibious rodents — to Louisiana for their fur.  Decades later, they were spawning out of control and chewing through the wetlands that serve as precious buffers of storm surges, and before you knew it, the state government was persuading Cajun chefs to popularize nutria for the local palate.  The plan didn’t really work (have you ever seen these things?), but the idea is sound.  And, like kangaroo, camel meat is also lean and good foryour health.  Sad thing is, we haven’t seen any camel-meat imports to the United States quite yet, so if you’re not hanging around the Outback, camel tenderloins might be a little difficult to come by (as opposed to kangaroo, which you can find at a specialty butcher shop, or from a reputable online retailer).  So, what can we do as Americans to help our own health as well as the planet’s?  You can try a little llama, a cousin to camels, which produce a beautifully pungent meat that’s very similar in flavor to mutton.  Or, alternatively, you can:

3) Pick up a gun.  Or, rather, befriend a hunter who has the stones to gun down a wild boar or two.  Instead of traveling to Australia to do your green duty (and burning up a load of jet fuel in the process), try Texas, where environmental authorities consider feral hogs a true menace.  Like nutria, they’re tearing the hell out of the local flora, and it’s not a small problem.  Unlike duck, dove and deer, there aren’t even any restrictions on hunting them, seeing that, because they’re such prolific breeders and survivors, human hunting isn’t likely to even threaten their existence.  And, as before, I should probably alert you to the fact that locally-hunted wild boar is about the tastiest pork you’re ever going to find: leaner, earthier, and more intensely flavorful than its domestic counterpart, and about as “organic” as any food you’re likely to find.  If you can manage to fell one of those monsters, or befriend someone who has, you’re in for a seriously tasty ride.  The same applies to many of the other large game animals sanctioned for hunting in the United States for conservation, including white-tail deer, elk, caribou, and yes, Governor Palin, even moose.  I’ve had them all, and you should, too.  Any of them can make for an amazing meal, and keep you from supporting factory farms and their contributions to the Global Warming boogeyman.

So there you have it.  Now, take this plan, go forth and do good by Mama Earth.  Just make sure to stay upwind of the cows.

* * *
Marinated Kangaroo Medallions

Ingredients:  1 lb. kangaroo tenderloin medallions.  Marinade: 1.5 Cups Vegetable Oil; 3/4 Cups Soy Sauce; 1/4 cup Worcestershire Sauce; 2 Tbsps Dry Mustard; 2.5 tspns Salt; 1 Tbspn cracked black pepper; 2 tspns freshly chopped parsely; 1/2 cup red wine vinegar; 3 cloves garlic (crushed); 1/3 cup fresh lemon juice; 1 tbspn lime juice

Preparation: Combine all marinade ingredientsand heat over low flame until simmering lightly (not foaming!).  Whisk gently, then cool completely.  Place kangaroo meat in tightly sealed freezer bags, pour in marinade, then seal tightly.  Let sit in refrigerator at least four hours, though overnight is best for lean cuts of game like kangaroo.  Grill at medium-hot temperature for 3-5 minutes per side until medium-rare, making certain not to overcook.

Email