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Brett Favre Will Not Be a Purple People Eater

favre1-146x300 Brett Favre Will Not Be a Purple People EaterBrett Favre is not going to play!

Favre explained his shocking decision to ESPN’s Ed Werder:

It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I didn’t feel like physically I could play at a level that was acceptable. I would like to thank everyone, including the Packers, Jets and Vikings — but, most importantly, the fans.

I had to be careful not to commit for the wrong reasons. They were telling me, ‘You went through all this, you had the surgery and you’ve got to finish it off.’ But I have legitimate reasons for my decision. I’m 39 with a lot of sacks to my name.

It would have been nice if Werder had followed up by asking who the “they” were who were apparently pressuring Favre to play, but no such luck.  Luckily, Favre was not accused of a crime or civil offense, or they may not have covered it at all.

Sadly, Favre was not so tired that he wasn’t able to film a Sears commercials last week, which capitalizes, hilariously, I am sure, on his famous inability to make up his mind. Guess what? TIVO just guaranteed themselves a sale before football season starts, and they don’t even know it.

Viking head coach Brad Childress told Chip Scoggins of the Minnesota Star Tribune:

I just think it was a rare opportunity to explore a Hall of Fame quarterback who had background in the NFC and in this division. He knows our system inside out … This doesn’t change anything about how I feel about our football team.

Yeah, it doesn’t change anything about your football team except for now that instead of the Hall of Fame quarterback that you have been “exploring” like a 15 year-old trying to get to second base for the last several months, you will have either Tavaris Jackson or Shane Rosencopter under center on opening day. No difference at all.

The news apparently came as a shock to Vikings’ players. Linebacker Ben Leber told the Associated Press via telephone:

When I heard the news, I was probably as surprised and shocked as everybody else. The writing on the wall was as long as his arm was healthy he was going to play. I thought it was just a contractual deal that was taking so long and I really expected him to be at camp. So I was really surprised.

Asked whether he thought Favre might change his mind again, Leber continued:

In my mind this should be the end of it. To be respectful of the players that are involved and the team as a whole, you have to put an end to this and you can’t let it linger on.

That means we don’t have to do this again next year, right?



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Photo by GMO66

Mason Lerner

Mason Lerner is a freelance writer and stand-up comedian in Austin, TX. His works has appeared in the Houston Chronicle, ESPN the Magazine and many other publications. Lerner is a graduate of the University of Texas at Austin with a degree in Anthropology. ...
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Dr. G

DR.G says:

brett favre is a baby. i'm glad his decision has finally been made. now sage rosenfels can sleep at night. though i would rather watch favre.

July 28, 2009, 11:40 pm


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