Yesterday I came across this bit in New York Magazine on Demi Moore comparing the before and after photos for her new Helena Rubinstein perfume ad and felt it might make a decent little follow up to my Madonna post and the overarching point I was trying to convey about our society’s obsession with youth. Looking at these photos, the thing that strikes me is how much BETTER she appears in the before photo. First off, she looks fantastic for her age. The ton of plastic surgeries she’s had done have served her quite well in her case. Yet, as great as she looks, the ad agency (and I’m assuming Moore herself) felt it was necessary to freakishly alter her appearance through Photoshop into something completely alien.

What kind of message does it send to the public when perfection is not perfect enough?

Now I know this sort of thing has gone on for a long time, but I think in recent years, it’s been taken to a whole new level. Between all the plastic surgery and Photoshop, who knows what celebrities really look like anymore? One might ask if it matters, but it should. By bombarding us with these ridiculous images, women are getting an aesthetic standard foisted upon them which is completely unattainable, thus making them feel as if there’s something inherently wrong with getting older. It’s pretty sick when you think about it.

This new Demi Moore ad is  particularly obnoxious. Her breasts have been enhanced, and her skin has been given this odd plastic sheen to it which is just plain creepy. She basically looks like a bad cartoon caricature of herself. The ironic thing is, I think the before photo would sell far more perfume I really do. There’s an earthy accessibility to her natural state which exudes sex, while the Photoshopped image just looks like she’s a cyborg.

Embrace your wrinkles people, you’ve earned them. Haven’t you been bought and sold by the corporate machine long enough? It’s time to start living a life in which our value is not based upon such superficiality. Billy Crystal’s “it’s better to look good than to feel good” jibe drew laughs back in the ’80s. But today we’ve somehow fooled ourselves into repeating this line like mantra, without a trace of irony.

The truth is, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to understand that feeling good on your own terms, with your own face and your own mind is the most anyone could or should hope for out of life.

This past weekend, P-Diddy threw his son Justin Dior a lavishly over the top sweet 16 party that included the purchase of a $360,000 dollar Maybach automobile (with driver) and the bestowment of a $10,000 dollar check (which was later donated to the relief efforts in Haiti). All of this will be aired on MTV’s Uber-obnoxious show “My Super Sweet Sixteen” for our supposed amusement. The thing is, maybe it’s just me, but I’m trying hard to find the entertainment value here. What are we serfs? Are we seriously supposed to get a kick out of watching that mouth breathing, talent-less, muldoon gift his little lord Fauntleroy devil spawn with some ridiculously ostentatious set of wheels? In this painful recession, with so many kids out there that have parents who would be happy just to be gainfully employed, this public display of abject materialism is positively obscene.  On top of all of this, aren’t “sweet 16s” for girls anyway?

When I turned 16, my brother and I got the shared ownership to a 1981 Toyota Corolla Tercel and we were thrilled to get it. I don’t even remember a party at all, we probably just hung out in the parking lot of the local McDonalds with the rest of our geek squad and celebrated with  McDLTs. The thing is -  we were lucky! My father had a steady job, we had our ride, and there was no better burger ever created than the McDLT.  In fact, I would venture to say, I wouldn’t trade that brief moment of happiness for all the Maybachs in the world.

P-Diddy represents the “American dream” to a certain contingent of this society, but what he represents to me is the death of art; materialism run amok; totally unchecked narcissism and self obsession; and the failed ideals of a nation. This recession we find ourselves in is not simply a financial one, we are in a recession of the SOUL. People like Puff Daddy have been major contributors to the downfall of our culture and as far as I’m concerned the culture of a society is the soul of a society. Just think about it for a second, this guy named his kid after a BRAND NAME.

Our greed has brought this country to its knees and everyone knows it. So, you tell me, what is interesting to you about watching this spoiled little shit get driven around in his $360,000 car?

New un-altered outtakes from the W magazine photo shoot in which Madonna met her baby Jesus have just surfaced and they’re not all too flattering to either the material girl or her new boy toy. Madge is definitely looking every millisecond of her 51 years in this shot, sporting whiskers and an old lady scowl that would make a nun proud. Moreover, where’s her neck? Did it collapse under the weight of her giant noggin? Plus, I’m not sure if the whole Joan Crawford thing she’s got going on here is intentional or not, but either way the only thing her mug could inspire these days is major shrinkage and speaking of shrinkage…apparently this kid’s named baby Jesus for a reason.

Now I know she’s 51 years old and everyone inevitably succumbs to the ravages of aging, but she continues to strut her brittle hollow bones around as if she’s still the sex bomb and at this point it’s more than a tad revolting. In general, there’s just something obscene about all these comically airbrushed images of older female celebrities we’re bombarded with on a daily basis. In an attempt to extend their careers and remain relevant to younger audiences, these women hide their true appearance with massive amounts of plastic surgery, pancake make-up and Photoshop. Of course, it’s always been that way to an extent, but nowadays it’s past the point of ridiculousness. I mean back in the day, the older gals of Hollywood didn’t waste their time competing with kids about who’s got the tightest ass. No way man, they were playing dowdy mothers on sitcoms or maybe starring in the occasional Love Boat!

I’m not saying that people should just give up on trying to look their best when they get older, but all the Pilates in the world ain’t gonna turn back the clock. At some point you’ve got to accept the fact that you’re getting old. Some people try to rationalize their fixation on youth and looking younger as some kind of empowering thing, that’s how that whole “cougar” movement began, as a way of saying “hey I’m a fossil, but I’m still sexual, and powerful and attractive.” Well hell, I agree, why throw in the towel if you’ve still got game? But is it necessary to physically change your appearance through surgery and smoke and mirrors in order to do so? On top of all of this, I’m sick and tired of watching all these aging women play out their insecurities in the public eye. Everyone’s insecure - keep it to yourself already! As far as I’m concerned, this whole cougar movement in Hollywood is simply being used as a way of extending people’s careers which have already taken up entirely too much of our time. Courtney Cox? Are you kidding me? Haven’t we had enough of her? Do you mean to tell me 10 years of her on “Friends” wasn’t enough for you?

Now I know many women might say that it’s MEN who are the ones responsible for these women altering their faces and bodies, that they feel pressure to change their appearance in order to be able to work or even attract a partner, but I disagree - these women are getting off on it. It’s not about the men, it’s about THEM. The sad truth is, all of that plastic surgery doesn’t make any of them look better, just different and in most cases just… odd. As I was watching the Golden Globes the other day, it was like looking at Madame Tussauds wax museum.

We’re all busy dying people, and everyone winds up looking like a raisin (if they’re lucky that is), it’s all part of being human. To everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season and a time to accept your sagging ass.

In an epic upset, Scott Brown defeated Martha Coakley this evening to reclaim a Massachusetts seat in the Senate for the Republicans which had belonged to the Democrats for nearly 40 years. Yes indeed, it’s a new dawn for MassaDOUCHEsetts as the Kennedy era officially squishes pathetically to a numb anti-climax. Democrats must now come to terms with this new political reality and grow some gonads. The truth is that Dems have been “cruisin’ for a bruisin”” for a long time now and they’ve finally gotten what they’ve been beggin’ for. Tonight, MassaDOUCHEsetts has seen fit to elect a total buffoon to the United States Senate and the message sent to Washington could not be any clearer - “YOU’VE FAILED!”

I’m absolutely not surprised at this outcome. In fact, I think it’s well deserved. Obama and his administration have been totally inept at every turn, fumbling the ball on health care, jobs, Wall Street and the environment. Obama may have gone on Oprah and given himself a B+ plus for his first year in, but the truth is, the only thing he’s been successful at is pandering and floundering.

I’m sure Obama supporters will blame Coakley for this spectacular loss, but that dog won’t hunt.  Sure, she ran an arrogant, peevish and (as the MassaDOUCHEians love to say) totally reTAHDED campaign, but she’s not the real guilty party. This outcome was a referendum on Obama - period. The ultimate responsibility for this disaster lies directly upon HIS shoulders. It’s time for this administration to come to terms with the fact that the free ride is over and the natives are OFFICIALLY restless.

I know many of you still hold dear to your hearts the image of Obama the night he won the Presidency as he speech-ified about “change” and “work to be done” whilst voguing his solemn Lincoln-like and well rehearsed facial expressions. Unfortunately so far, that’s all it’s been -  well rehearsed facial expressions and speechifying (which has become increasingly tired and convoluted I might add) .

The sole way out of this mess for Obama is reconciliation, and no I don’t mean with the Republicans in some faux expression of bi-partisanship. I mean ramming a health care bill through congress with reconciliation (the legislative process which allows a bill to be considered without being subject to filibuster). It’s obvious that the American people will only get behind Health Care when they start receiving it. Most Americans can’t comprehend the mechanics of Health Care reform. But if you tell them, “Hey you’re covered”, they’ll eventually catch on.

Of course, I have absolutely no faith that this will happen because, in plain and simple terms, Obama appears to be an ineffectual wimp. Still, if health care reform is not passed this year, he WILL be a one term President - that I can assure you.

Democrats hear me now: MassaDOUCHEsetts has fallen, and the wind is at the backs of the morally, mentally, midget-ed minority!  As Gordon Gecko said in Wall Street, “This is your wake up call…go to work.”

If the whole “Red Sox Nation” business and the ridiculous accent weren’t enough to seal the deal for me, this whole Martha Coakely/Scott Brown (who both blow) election has nailed it down forever. I officially loathe you Massachusetts. As far as I’m concerned you can take Curt Schilling’s fake bloody sock and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Moreover, if you wind up electing Brown as Senator, you will forever be referred to as…

MassaDOUCHEsetts.

The Democrats are shaking in their boots at the thought of losing Ted Kennedy’s seat to Scott Brown, but it’s their own damn fault - as usual. Their horse in the race is an intolerable witch, who enjoys making statements seemingly aimed at pissing off the working class. In this economy, this strategy seems a tad counter-intuitive. On the Republican side you’ve got this unknown muldoon Brown, who’s got a penchant for tea bagging and dropping his drawers. Basically, his entire platform is that he’d ensure the filibuster and block “Obamacare.” Still, he can’t be all bad, you know, he’s a workingman and he drives an old pick-up truck!

In the end, this election is just a referendum on Obama. Over a year into his Presidency, he’s proven himself to be a phony, panty-waisted, spineless, pandering, ineffectual wimp. The fact that Democrats are worried that Health Care will tank if they lose the Kennedy seat is a testament to Obama’s ineptitude. The truth is the Democrats don’t NEED that seat to ram through Health Care. Bush had far less of a majority when he passed all his legislation. Time and time again the current administration has let a toothless (and brainless) minority dictate the conversation when it comes to health care and the economy. They have the inability to gird their loins and RULE.

The most recent polls are showing Brown leading Coakley by sizable margins, they’re calling it the “upset of the century” - but it’s not over yet. Of course, I don’t have too much faith in the Red Sox nation to make the right decision. In reality, the whole idea that Massachusetts is this “liberal bastion” is a myth. They’re actually the rednecks of the North East. With Kennedy gone, their true colors are showing and they no longer can be relied upon to vote Democrat, those days are over. If Coakley loses, it’s no huge upset, it’s just MassaDOUCHEsetts returning to their natural state of being.

All this being said, you’ve still got a chance to prove me wrong MassaDOUCHEsetts. Suppress your moronic inclinations and vote for Coakley. Sure she’s an elitist asshole, but what do you think your beloved Kennedys are? Do you really want to be the state to potentially tank health care? Hey, personally I don’t care, I’m insured either way, but I know a lot of you North East rednecks are going through some hard times right now and I can assure you that that tea bagging phony Brown is not interested in your cause. So get your heads out of your anuses and do the right thing. Otherwise you’re just another Florida.

Don’t do it MassaDOUCHEsetts.

I tried watching a bit of the Golden Globes last night, but to tell you the truth I’m not big into the whole self-congratulatory-masturbation fest that these awards shows always turn out to be, and this year with the backdrop of Haiti and our country’s depression, it was even worse than usual. On top of all that, I’m not a big fan of Ricky Gervais. It’s kind of funny with him. I don’t actively dislike him, but there’s definitely something about him that just misses the mark with me. I don’t know why really, Maybe it’s because I’m SUPPOSED to like him. Whenever someone tries to convince me of an artist’s brilliance, I’m automatically dubious. It’s not that I’m a contrarian; it’s just that I absolutely don’t trust the general public’s ideas of “brilliance” and usually this mistrust is well founded. Personally, I felt the British version of The Office to be a bit of a bore and the American version is outright intolerable.

He did do an alright job hosting I suppose, at least he was attempting to take the piss out of the audience which was in dire need of piss taking. God, Hollywood is so phony. It’s a cliché I know and no real observation at all, but when confronted with the full assault of its phoniness, it really does kind of smack you in the face. Anyway, although I wasn’t able to make it through the whole show, I did hang in there long enough to make a few observations.

Mo’nique’s acceptance speech for her role in Precious was full of her tired shonuff’ sass and the obligatory thank you to God -  because as we all know, Mr. God personally took a hand in her success. I can just picture Mr. God’s thought process, “Hundreds of thousands dead in Haiti - check, world collapsing in on itself - check, Mon’ique wins the Golden Globe - check.” People like her give me a major pain in the ass. You know what else? Fuck that movie, I’ll never see that exploitative piece of shit. I’ll take Armond White’s (African-American film critic) word for it;

Not since The Birth of a Nation has a mainstream movie demeaned the idea of black American life as much as Precious. Full of brazenly racist clichés (Precious steals and eats an entire bucket of fried chicken), it is a sociological horror show. Offering racist hysteria masquerading as social sensitivity, it’s been acclaimed on the international festival circuit that usually disdains movies about black Americans as somehow inartistic and unworthy

Another thing to catch my attention was the joke Gervais made about Paul McCartney having “a hard year” with his divorce payout, but not to feel badly about him as he’s still a zillionaire. That was pretty good I have to admit. Paul seemed to take it in stride, or maybe he was just too stoned to notice. The audience emitted an uncomfortable groan, what a bunch of mendacious tools.

I noticed they gave the “cancer nod” to Michael C. Hall for his role in Dexter, robbing John Hamm of a globe. I get that the poor guy has Hodgkin’s disease, but he definitely did not deserve the win over Hamm, or even Bill Paxton or Hugh Laurie for that matter. Fair’s fair, and besides I hear he’s got the good Hodgkin’s!

Finally, the highlight to me of the entire show was Christina Hendricks. Jesus mamaloocha - talk about GOLDEN GLOBES!

This woman makes Jessica Rabbit look like Olive Oyl.

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In a new interview with People Magazine, Heidi Montag discusses going under the knife for ten separate procedures she had in one day. The “Hills” bimbo has apparently become addicted to plastic surgery explaining, “For the past three years, I’ve thought about what to have done.  I’m beyond obsessed.”

Judging from the above “before and after” photo, I think she’d better start taking it easy with this shit, ’cause before she knows it, she could start entering into Jocelyn Wildenstein territory and that’s definitely dangerous ground.

From what I can tell, she’s tweaked the shnoz, shaved off some of the jabberjaw, and pumped the jugs up to triple D status. She’s basically turned herself into a white Tera Patrick.

I guess if her career as a groundbreaking pop star doesn’t work out for her, she’s always got a great career in porn to fall back on.

With all the body altering going on today, it’s starting to remind me of that Twilight Zone episode, “Number 12 Looks Just Like You”. In the opening narration of the story, Rod Serling says the following prescient words;

“Given the chance, what young girl wouldn’t happily exchange a plain face for a lovely one? What girl could refuse the opportunity to be beautiful? For want of a better estimate, let’s call it the year 2000. At any rate, imagine a time in the future when science has developed a means of giving everyone the face and body he dreams of. It may not happen tomorrow - but it happens now, in the Twilight Zone.”

This is why Rod Serling was a genius.

If there comes a day when the majority of people are beautiful, then wouldn’t ugly become the new beautiful?  I mean, isn’t part of what makes beauty so compelling its rarity? If everyone’s gorgeous, then wouldn’t it lose its appeal? Who knows, in the year 2100, Susan Boyle might be considered the height of attractiveness.

We’re living in interesting times my friends.

In the wake of 9/11 and an administration that played with our emotions and civil liberties like an abusive hillbilly uncle, our society is only now truly beginning to show the results of that cruel manipulation. The lens through which we perceive the world has been warped. Stunned silent in our collective shellshock, we have disassociated, and now impotently watch our lives play out around us as if on a movie screen. We no longer have the wherewithal to reject the assault of mendacity thrown in our faces daily by the media, our leaders, our ‘celebrities and ourselves.

We sit back and listen to Rush Limbaugh as he uses the heartbreaking disaster in Haiti as a way to attack our President, stating that the earthquake in Haiti will “play right into Obama’s hands by allowing him to play up his “compassionate” and “humanitarian” credentials” and that he will use this crisis to “boost his credibility with the black community.”

Pat Robertson spews forth his mad ravings exclaiming that Haiti has brought this tragedy upon themselves by “making a pact with the devil” and we express no outrage.

It wasn’t so long ago when statements such as these would be ridiculed, criticized and rejected. Now they’re simply reported and accepted. What has happened to us? We’re strung out, our brains are pickled with lethargy.

When will we rise from this slumber and REACT? It’s high time that we shake off this malaise, otherwise, we’re lost.

This past week, the news has been dominated by non-stories such as the contractual disputes between multi millionaires Leno and O’Brien and Sarah Palin’s airheaded debut on Fox news as network correspondent. We’re currently living in an all out depression, a war on two fronts and the total decimation of our culture, yet we’re all so out of it, it’s as if it’s happening someplace else. We just want to sleep, we’ve been through enough. We’re caught up in that dreamy euphoric state which chemically happens to people just before they drown…and we are drowning, make no mistake about that.

The machine has broken down. Democrats are in the pockets of the special interests and are completely ineffectual. Meanwhile, approval ratings for the Republican Party are at an all-time low and yet they still manage to dominate the political conversation. There’s even talk that Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat may be up for grabs. It’s absurd, the GOP is poised to make a big comeback in 2010 by simply saying NO. Obstructionism is the new philosophy. Sadly however, the truth is we are complicit. We are all obstructionists. By failing to take a hold of ourselves and PARTAKE, we are obstructing the progress of our society.

It’s time to wake up America, there’s too much at stake. I’m not being overly dramatic when I say that we’re staring into the abyss - and it’s not blinking.

It’s time to wake up.

I’d like to meet the pervert that came up with this design and ask him what the hell was going through his head when he came up with it. This is seriously horrible looking and  disturbing, and what’s with that awful fuschia color? The thought that a design team actually got paid for this makes my blood boil. Having to think about Lisa Simpson blowing someone, while I’m trying to concentrate on the luge is disconcerting, to say the least.

I wonder if it wasn’t intentional. You know through the years, there’ve been quite a few subversive acts perpetrated by bored and/or disgruntled artists working for large corporations.

Check this out:

Some dude totally painted a penis on the cover of the Little Mermaid. Apparently Neptune lives in a penis castle.  Who knew? Of course there were rumors circulating about his sexuality back in the 1970s, when he’d occasionally be seen hangin’ with the Village People at Studio 54, but what the hell, it was an era of experimentation!…