Going to the movies can be a discouraging affair. Every new cinematic offering is simply a half-assed regurgitation of tired old themes that have been covered more insightfully by filmakers a million times over. Studios are so devoid of ideas that they puke out horribly irrelevant re-makes, hoping to hit upon something new. Think about that logic for a second. Does anyone need to see a “reimagining” of “Footloose” or “Fame?” Jeez, I barely survived the originals!It’s a sad time to be a cinephile, I tell you. Everything being produced is just this absolute common denominator, one note, coma-inducing pablum. What’s worse is, these films are being populated by such uninspiring ciphers.
Huh? What? Who’s a cipher, you say?
Take a look: here’s a list of the five “One Note Wonders”, actors with a limited range who’ve been giving the same performances — and getting away with it — movie after movie, year after year:
5) Kristen Stewart
Stewart’s acting style is nothing more than a shoe-gaze-y collection of tweaky tics, starting with the lower lip jut/furrowed brow combo, accompanied by the jittery Vietnam vet shoulder scrunch and ending with an open mouthed sharp intake of air…which makes her appear remarkably like a suicidal trout eyeing land. Rather than actually developing her characters, each portrayal of hers is a mere rearrangement of these tourette’s like convulsions. When you add to all of this her often unkempt hair and permanently vacant expression, she really looks a lot more like an escaped mental patient than an up and coming starlet. Worse yet, she’s got such an actively unpleasant persona. Each role she takes is performed with such a peevish air, as if she’s colossally bored and unhappy for having been rousted from her onset trailer, where she’d been contentedly writing in her diary, listening to “The Jesus and Mary Chain,” and drinking case after case of Diet Dr. Pepper.
Now you tell ME, are these not the same exact scene?? These are two different movies folks!!
4) Will Ferrell
Aside from his genius performance in “Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy,” Will Ferrell has been the absolute definition of “‘One Note” in every other movie he’s been involved with to date. In the beginning, his shtick was funny enough, so much so that it hardly mattered he had all the dramatic range of a used tongue depressor, but lately he’s become pretty intolerable. Trying and failing miserably in more serious fare like “Stranger than Fiction” and “Melinda and Melinda,” Ferrell seems happy enough nowadays to just crank out absolute crud like “Step Brothers” and “Semi-Pro”. Sadly, he’s felt it necessary to take John C. Reilly with him down the rabbit hole. It is truly unfortunate as Reilly is actually a legitimately great actor, and slowly but surely his association with One-Note-Will is starting to take its toll.
3) Jennifer Aniston
Relying on the fading glory of her shag coif, and her tired template of comic facial expressions, Aniston’s work is hackneyed, uninspired and totally irrelevant. Each schlocky movie of hers is more irritating than the next. They all seem like sadistically extended throw-away episodes of “Friends.” I don’t know if it’s her Camille-like drawn out obsession over the break-up of her marriage with Brad, or just the fact that she has the emotional depth of a fig newton, but for her sake (and all of ours) she should have her SAG card confiscated, get a good therapist, and go on E-Harmony - pronto!
2) Michael Cera
Out of the glut of “sensitive, awkward types” plying their trade today, no one is more one-note than Michael Cera. His permanent deer in the headlights gaze and stutter-y Kermit the Frog on helium delivery was semi effective in the highly overrated “Arrested Development.” But, his subsequent turns in films like “Juno” (a masterpiece of pretension) and “Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist” have been as compelling as watching a plank of wood collect dust. As far as I’m concerned, actors like Jesse Eisenberg and Anton Yelchin have far more to offer if you’re looking to cast a movie about a young, neurotic, gawky loser. All Cera brings to the table are a pair of knobby knees and a voice that sounds like he’s been clopped in the nuts with a sack of oranges.
1) Ben Stiller
There used to be a time when Stiller was genuinely amusing. With films like “Flirting With Disaster” and “The Cable Guy,” he delivered major laughs with his unique brand of silliness, capturing perfectly the emotionally stunted, repressed rage of a generation. But after a barrage of tepid, inconsequential drek like “Envy,” “Along Came Polly,” ”The Heartbreak Kid,” “Duplex,” “Meet the Parents/Meet the Fockers,” “Dodgeball,” “Madagascar,” and “A Night at the Museum,” those days are long gone. When Adam Sandler and Jim Carey are surpassing you in the depth department, you know something’s amiss.
Still, I hold out hope for Ben. Unlike the others on this list, I believe he can turn it around. All it would take is a juicy part in a flick by Tarantino or Scorsese and he’d be back with a vengeance. Of course, it’s all up to him. He just seems so content to crank out the scatalogical, sophomoric, lazy drivel, that at this point it’s hard to imagine him actually putting in a decent performance.
So there you have it, the “Top Five Lamest Actors” out there today!
After writing this piece, I feel positively sticky with mediocrity. I think I need to watch “The Godfather” and cleanse myself!
Disclaimer: The thoughts and opinions expressed by Mr. Lancourt do not necessarily reflect those of the editors at TFT - who, for some stupid reason, actually like Cera and Ferrell.
More on these topics:
actors that suck, bad acting, ben stiller, ben stiller can’t act, i hate kristen stewart, i hqte michael cera, jennifer aniston, jennifer aniston and brad pitt, Juno was a pretentious unwatchable movie, kristen stewart, kristin stewart, kristin stewart is a lousy actress, michael cera, michael cera is annoying, micheal cera is annoying, one note actors, one note wonders, suck it pattinson!, the top 5 actors with limited range, top 5 lamest actors today, twilight sucks, will ferrell, worst actors today
Lisa says:
I totally agree with your "lamest actor" list, but I have a couple of questions. Why are there two women on your "lamest actor" list & and NONE on your "best actor" list? Do you really believe that Phillip Seymour Hoffman (although extremely talented) is a better actor than say, Bette Davis, Lauren Bacall, or even Audrey Hepburn? Or do you just hate women?
Branwyn Lancourt says:
Well on this list I just used the general term 'actor' to include both men and women... in the other list, I was specifically talking about men as a rebuttal to the Pattinson uproar...
As far as the women you mentioned, I actually do think Hoffman's a better actor then Hepburn and Bacall, and probably Davis as well... I mean, all three women are icons but as far as their acting is concerned, I really dislike hepburn... THat being said, that's just my opinion and in this case invites a legitimate debate...
As far as great female actresses, my top 5 would be barbara stanwyck, meryl streep, ginger rogers, dianne wiest, anjelica huston...
Justin Marble says:
Agreed on all except Stiller. Watch Royal Tenenbaums to see him tackle an actually semi-serious role and knock it out of the park. He just needs a good director. He's been in some shit, and gave some shit performances, but he's not "one note." His characters are usually pretty different if he's not doing a rom-com. How can you say "Dodgeball" and "Meet the Parents" are even remotely close? Even if you hate both movies, the characters aren't the same, which is more than I can say for Cera and Ferrell (though I think Ferrell is decent in "Stranger than Fiction"). Plus there are many Stiller movies not on your list where Stiller mixes it up a bit- the aformentioned "Tenenbaums," "Zoolander," "Tropic Thunder," "Heavyweights" (similar to Dodgeball, but not the same as the other films), and his appearance on "Curb Your Enthusiasm," to name a few.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
I agree that Stiller can be good, I even acknowledged it at the end that he could turn it around... However, solely just for the string of unbelievable crappola he's spewed out these past years, he makes the list
Fatima says:
FINALLY! Thank you Bran for telling it how it is! I can't stand Kristen Stewart's lack of acting talent! Every role she plays is *exactly* the same with her inability to finish a sentence without shaking her head and stuttering. How can she not finish the sentence when it's written out for her??
Lisa says:
I totally agree with your "lamest actor" list, but I have a couple of questions. Why are there two women on your "lamest actors" list and NONE on your "best actors" list? Do you really believe that Phillip Seymour Hoffman (although extremely talented) is a better actor than say, Bette Davis, Lauren Bacall, or Audrey Hepburn? Or do you just hate women? By the way, what is wrong with diet dr.pepper?
Branwyn Lancourt says:
didnt i answer this already?
lola says:
Dude, you totally lost me with the "highly overrated Arrested Development." There's two types of people in this world-those who laugh at boxed wine mistaken for giant juice boxes by Buster Bluth, and those who don't. And those in who fit the latter cateogory, like yourself? Well, let's just say I wouldn't turn my back on you. Now just to spite you, I'm going to put all of Kristen Stewart's movies in my netflix queue.
lola says:
oh, and I'm really glad you "hat" Michael Cera. That effing made my day, seeing that tag! Now actually try to smile in your photo next time so you don't look so self-serious, it's very Kristen Stewarty(who, by the way, was actually really good and not too twitchy in Adventureland).
Branwyn Lancourt says:
Not too twitchy in adventureland? She was absolutely twitcherific!
lola says:
She was twitchy in Twilight to the point I started twitching along with her in a sympathetic way. In Adventureland she was merely Samoan. Samoan lasses have traditional dances that include a very enthusiastic head jerk, that could be mistaken for the nervous tic cousin of a head twitch. It's a very subtle difference, trust me. Kristen was Samoan in Adventureland.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
hahaha!
A-freaking-Men! says:
Will you marry me? Based on this list alone I just know you're my ideal mate! If you don't dump me I promise not to spend nearly 5 years bemoaning the divorce and making crappy movies in an attempt to become a legitimate movie star and not just a one-note actress who piggy-backed my career on your success. Oh wait, that sounds like a certain lame tv actor who's trying to be a movie star. My bad. Just take my word for it - we'll be PERFECT together...just don't leave me for Angelina Jolie and a dozen kids and I promise not to nag you about asking your friends to hire me for movies they're producing...
Branwyn Lancourt says:
Don't worry, I hate kids!!
Jimmy says:
I would agree with some of these. Like the commentor above, I would agrue the veracity of a statement claiming "Arrested Development" being overrated. Supposedly, Michael Cera sheds some of that one-note characterization in his newest movie, "Youth In Revolt."
I think also that Ben Stiller probably shouldn't be catagorized here, simply on the basis that he's done better work in the past (Permanant Midnight, Your Friends and Neighbors). So not only is he capable of doing better, we've actually seen it before.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
Was it underrated?
Judy says:
Just a question, if Kristen is such a bad actress why do some of the great actors(Sean Penn and James Wood) and directors keep on trying to get her to do their movies? Have you seen The CakeEaters or Speak? Maybe, you should try watching those movies and give a more convincing argument. Or maybe not because it's hard to change someone's mind. I think you wrote that Bruce Dern is one of the best actor, well this is what he said about Kristen
--"As far as Kristen Stewart goes, she's a one-of-a-kinder. You won't see somebody like her, at that age, come down the pipe again until about 2035. She's that unusual. She's an absolutely...you can't say 'raving beauty' or anything like that because that connotes something else. This girl has a beautiful, knowledgeable, might have seen the elephant look on her. Just STRIKING beautiful face. With a maturity and a gauntness and a hauntedness that I've never seen on any woman in my life. And she's 16 years old. When you look in her face, and in her eyes, it's kind of like when I used to go on the air and do interviews and they'd say 'who have you worked with that you really admire?' I admire all the people I've worked with, especially directors. But I've only worked for two geniuses. I've worked for Mr. Hitchcock, he's a genius, and Douglas Trumbull, he's a genius. When you look at Kristen Stewart...it's not that she's a genius, but she is UNIQUE. And I don't see, outside of maybe 2 or 3 people much older than she is, a uniqueness in actresses today. Maybe if I went to Zambia and did a film I'd see it, but this girl is a one-of-a-kinder." - BRUCE DERN
Branwyn Lancourt says:
I don't even understand what he's saying there.. all he does is comment on her looks... Ah Dern-sy, you dirty old man you!
Sad says:
Any grown-ass'd man who'd put a 19 yr old kid on this list, whose repertoire includes basically playing disaffected damaged teens, and somehow want them to display the range of Olivier, is being kind of ridiculous, and more than a bit of a catty wench if you ask me. Sorry Kristen didn't nail the role of Julia Childs like you expected -- oops, I mean, the role of the sullen, pre-alcoholic, promiscuous outcast who works at an amusement park. Please explain, how and why she just was so 'off,' in that portrayal, and how Vanessa Hudgens would have done it so much better? Matter of fact, please explain why no one who is actually untalented (except for Aniston, I'll give you that) is even on this list? So Kristen Stewart gets smacked down, but Lohan, Tinsdale, Hudgens, and Fox get to live another day?
Why don't you wait until she's cast as Marie Curie, or a war veteran to form your bizarrely b*tchy opinions. You wrote twice as much on Kristen Stewart, a young woman who only just became notably famous for a Vampire ANGST tale, than you did for TV schlock-com actress Aniston whose been annoying us as Rachel Green for almost two decades now.
What kind of sense does that make? The only thing I can fathom is that you're a guy in love with Rob Pattinson, and like the rabid tweeny and teen Twi-hards who dream of marrying 'Edward,' you TOO, are jealous of his real-life reputed girlfriend. Don't deny it.
Anyone on this list that can even begin to comment on Stewart's filmography past Twilight and Adventureland (the latter she was amazing in, by the way) is, in my opinion, already telling me that for some reason they have an interest in this teenager. Why would that be exactly? That in and of itself is creepy. The people chiming in and parroting you, I understand, they come off as the same jealous 'mean girls,' that have those crazy fangirl crushes on Pattinson. The reasons they hate her are explicable.
I had never heard of her before Twilight, and only watched Adventureland because I enjoyed Twilight so much. Someone mentioned Panic Room to me recently, which I recall enjoying and thinking the kid that played Foster's daughter was great - but I only recently became aware that that was Stewart, since she was only 11 at the time.
So singling out and spotlighting this kid, whose just now taking off because of a cult following, going back to her tiny indies, and her few magazine interviews and proceeding to rip her talent and personality -- not to mention judging her degree of gratefulness (from the couple of interviews I've seen, she's come off as very intelligent and always mentions she's grateful to Twilight and lucky to be where she is). She's a good kid, from a good family, who seems very down to earth - she doesn't deserve to get kicked in the teeth right out of the gate. Save your venom for those who can withstand your b*tch-bite.
Including her short indie career, and commenting on her (probably still developing) personality (not to mention lumping her in with people that on average have a good 25 years on her), is a low blow - and the height of unfairness.
It bespeaks an unusual interest and obsession in this former 'indie' kid - not to mention creepy.
Gary says:
Hahahaha! Well, you may be on to something 'sad.'
Branwyn does have an unnatural obsession with Pattinson. That would explain his Kristen Stewart smackdown, since she's his girlfriend. Ahhhh-hahaha, yes.
That's pretty sick Lancourt. Beating up a girl teen because she's the object of YOUR affection's desire. I say Rob needs to beef up his security.
G says:
of course Kristen is a 'one-of-a-kinder'. No one twitches and stutters as well as she does, or as often.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
Sad, Gary - you guys don't make much sense. At what age is she eligible for crticism, and what difference does it make what kind of family she's from? Are you serious?
One positive thing's gonna come out of this... I'm totally appropriating the phrase 'one-of-a-kinder'... Bruce Dern is colossal.
Sad and Gary... You're a couple a 0ne-of-a-kinders, keep rockin'.
Max says:
Damn good list right there! Theyre all wonderful actresses.
"As far as great female actresses, my top 5 would be barbara stanwyck, meryl streep, ginger rogers, dianne wiest, anjelica huston..."
Steve says:
That list is good, very accurate. But they still make a lot more money than any of us.
Gary says:
I wholeheartedly agree on Michael Cera (although I disagree vehemently that Arrested Development was overrated). He reminds me of Stiller's character in Zoolander. "One Look??? ONE LOOK??? I'LL SHOW YOU ONE LOOK!" and then shows us that exact one look. ha ha.
Stiller, I thought was simply brilliant in The Royal Tenenbaums, which I'm sure owes a lot to Wes Anderson. I thought his character was very real and his performance was kinda sad and touching. Kudos for that, but yeah a lot of his performances are of the lowest common denominator type.
nemo says:
Arrested Development was not overrated.
Gary says:
BTW: I'm not the same Gary from above. darn Doppleganger!
JUJU says:
Kristen is that girl with the dirty underpants who lives next door and whose parents are barely there even when they are there. Yeah, she's seen a lot and too often...that kind of girl. SHe is the type that makes every creep wet their pants because they know she knows she may just let them do the weirdo stuff they are into...and not bat an eye.
Gary A. says:
Okay I'm nipping this in the bud. lol. I'm the Gary that posted about Stiller/Royal Tenenbaums and the previous "I'm not the Gary you're looking for" post.
Gary A. should settle this. In my mind anyway. lol
Branwyn Lancourt says:
the two garys - You're both one of a kinders to me!
Jake says:
So, did you include Kristen Stewart in this list just to get more hits from bitter Twilight fans ;)? (sorry for the winky face, but there's just no other damn way to express sarcasm on the interwebs).
While I admit that watching Michael Cera act is like watching the same role get placed into different situations over and over again, I absolutely loved him in Superbad, which you did not include in either your pluses or minuses list for him. As with the other readers, I am surprised that you called Arrested Development "overrated." I am fine with you not liking it, but overrated? The show was cancelled! Plus, I would hope that even if you don't personally like the show, you can understand why so many people would (sort of how I feel about country/western music).
Also, calling "Dodgeball" tepid and inconsequential seems to be trying to take it for what it's not. It's supposed to be over the top and ridiculous, and I think that in that regard, it succeeds, in large part because of the absurdity of Stiller's completely off-the-wall character, which could not have been acted any other way.
Overall, though, I like your opinions - keep up the good work!
Gary A. says:
Branwyn,
Admit that Stiller was great in Royal Tenenbaums and you'll have me as a reader forever! (sure that doesn't have the ring or the pop that "take me to bed or lose me forever" does, but hey...these are trying times, we're in a recession!)
Otherwise I'll write to your bosses and make sure you're competing with Don Dambry with the "5 things you shouldn't do after getting fired" campaign!
okay that was TOTALLY random. My bad.
Gary A. says:
BTW: I just signed up for the board that's in your link name thing. Not sure if that's a board YOU are on or you own the site or what....*shrugs*
Branwyn Lancourt says:
jake - I honestly think Kristen Stewart is a total one note, and when I mean Arrested Developmentg is overrated, I don't literally mean the 'ratings'it got when it was on TV... Overrated means, the cache it has with many people, how they absolutely rave that it's the best thing that was ever on Tv.. now that's OVERRATED! I personally know a lot of people that feel that way... plus it's being made into a movie, so obviously it's not just some TV show that got cancelled..
gary - I really like the royal tenebaum's and STiller's performance was competent... I'm a fan of Wes anderson in general, although personally the tenenbaum's is not my favorite of his, I like rushmore and The life aquatic the best...
Yeah Walrus cComix, and the Lifeboard Forum are my sites, and glad to have you aboard.. Over at the Lifeboard, all we do is debate this kind of crap all day long, so if you're into that you're gonna enjoy it!!
Doug says:
You is gonna die for that Arrested Development comment. For realz.
AD is the best comedy of all time, and I've watched everything from Seinfeld to MTM to Hope & Faith, that one with Regis's sidekick.
All kidding aside, I found Cera highly effective on AD, but he only has that one character. Every movie is exactly the same thing with him.
I would have tried to find room for Seth Rogan and that fat ugly-looking sidekick he has. Those two annoy the living daylights out of me, if only because they're the very definition of over-exposed for no good reason.
Patrick says:
It's hard to take seriously any article that claims Arrested Development is "highly overrated." Has there been a better American sitcom this decade? Not that I have an encyclopedic knowledge of sitcoms, but the only one that comes to mind is Seinfeld. Still, it's always good to see someone take Ben Stiller down a peg. I won't give Cera any points for depth, but I do think he's funny and still young enough to develop. But really, most of these are comic actors, are there really any comic actors that don't rely on one shtick? Isn't that why most comic actors don't stay relevant all that long? Even once reliable comic minds like Harold Ramis eventually just become a shadow of their former selves. I'm still stunned he could misfire as badly as he did on Year One. Speaking of which, how is Jack Black not on this list? The only way any comic actors remain relevant is switching to "dramatic" roles which normally consists of them simply restraining themselves, not exploring any real depth (think Robin Williams in the actually overrated Dead Poets Society). Also, how about the irony of complaining about the lack of originality in Hollywood and then writing a piece on one note actors that includes Cera, Stiller, and Ferrell. Aren't you a little late to this party?
Patrick says:
Oh wow, I deleted a bit. I was calling Seinfeld a better sitcom all-time. Not of this decade. Obviously Seinfeld isn't a show of this decade.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
I totally agree on Dead Poet's Society... definitely a top 10 overrate-or
amelie_kat says:
i watched the two Kristen Stewart clips on mute. depressing. she's really good at what she does, though. which makes her perfect for Bella haha.
i like Cera, but i agree, everything he does is the same.
Jennifer Aniston always kinda bugged me, i just don't like her.
Will Ferrel can be funny, but i still agree, except his role in Stranger than Fiction wasn't that bad.
i'm with everyone else on Stiller. He's had some good roles. just not enough (any) recently.
we need more *good* movies. make people think.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
WHat does she "do"? I'm really good at taking a dump, does that make me an artist?
Martin says:
This list is wrong. Jack Black takes easily takes the top three.
ekkko says:
Dude, you're writing a FAME HYPE column in a lame online newspaper, and yet you dare state an opinion over the work of others, as if you're expecting it to have some authoritative value or something. You criticize Kristen Stewart?!?! From what an asshole of a vantage point does that work out for you exactly?! Bahahahah!! Oh, the horror... Some of the retardation that blogging brought upon the unsuspecting websurfers is really going beyond the acceptable. You are indeed exceptionally good at taking a dump mister, but why do people have to step into it or even worse - read it? Branwyn Lancourt thinks Kristen Stewart cannot act, pffff! And I'm looking at that photo of yours dude, and ... hahah, oh whatever. Have a nice life. Or at least whatever pathetic excuse of a life you're leading over there :)))
barbara says:
i agree with ben stiller and will ferrel
but kristen stewart?
come on!!
shes a great actress
if she wasnt sean penn wouldn have hired her for into the wild, and jodie foster would not be praising her, shes a good actress, and im not saying this because she is in twilight, which i hate, you should see adventureland or speak, she is really good
Jack says:
That list is somewhat accurate but Kristen Stewart is seriously a great actress...and before you go off at me for liking her in Twilight, i have never seen the damn movie, nor do i intend to in the near future!!...Adventureland and Cake Eaters were bloody fantastic movies, i recommend it...or not!
Either way bud, YOU are certainly one of a kind hence why no other director, actor even critic would agree with the sort of explanation you just expressed in regards to Ms Stewart!
P.s take that photo down, your seriously freaking me out!!
Jacob says:
No Megan Fox?? Her "Acting" in Trandformers and Jennifer's Body is ridiculous. She would need to go to Kristen Stewart (which I agre with you) for acting lessons..
Mark J says:
I have to say I totally agree with you about two actors on this list, they being Kristen Stewart and Michael Cera. How anyone can think these two are legitimately great actors is beyond my comprehension. I actually started out liking Michael Cera but he's like a joke that someone told you that was hilarious at first but after repeated tellings you start to grow very tired of it. His appeal relates to a VERY specific type of cinema-goer (young 20 something self declared hipsters who still act and dress like college students even though they should now act like grown ups) who will hopefully grow out of him and consign him to TV movies forevermore.
As for Kristen Stewart.....I'm choking on my own bile trying to find the words to describe this so called "actor". What the hell is wrong with the girl??? Every movie she's in she makes look like an ordeal akin to a hostage situation. She acts like she has a permanent hangover and looks like she's had a stroke. The girl is a talentless, gormless, misery who inexplicably keeps getting work.
DIEMICHAELCERA says:
Thank GOD for Branwyn Lancourt. Your top 5 is almost right on. I have to disagree though. Michael Cera should be #1 on this list. He is by far the worst actor ever. Everytime I see a movie trailer of a movie he is in, I have to try real hard to hold back puking all over the floor. A tree or rock are better at acting than Michael Cera.
Jacob says:
I totally agree about Cera. Watch the trailer for Youth in Revolt. The commercial actually showcases his one-notedness. There is his usual self and his "alter ego", which is the exact same person in every way except has a mustache. Shouldn't the alter ego be the littlest different from the original character?
KM says:
FINALLY someone (besides everyone I know) says this about Kristen Stewart. So true.