I have a colleague whom I consider to be an archetypically independent, empowered, modern woman of today. She’s a reporter who spends a lot of time abroad covering women’s rights in places like Afghanistan and Sudan, fighting to bring to light the atrocities inflicted upon girls and women across the globe. Moreover, she’s a proud feminist and is fairly involved with the “Feminist Majority Foundation,” an organization dedicated to the promotion of  women’s equality, reproductive rights, health and non-violence. One day we were having a conversation on media, bandying back and forth various opinions on the nature of its influence on our society. Eventually, we got around to what we watched on TV, and I have to admit that I was a tad surprised to hear her say that her two favorite shows of all time were “Mad Men” and “The Sopranos.”

I asked her if, as a feminist, she ever got offended by the overt misogyny routinely displayed in both of these programs. She just brushed it off:

Brilliant writing is brilliant writing, I mean who doesn’t like a good story? Besides, Tony Soprano and Don Draper are hot.

She’s not alone in her thinking. Most women I know are absolutely crazy about these two shows.

Is there a double standard when it comes to misogyny? As long as it’s being perpetrated by powerful, handsome and compelling men, can it be overlooked? As a matter of fact, I believe many women are actually attracted to the characters in these shows, not in spite of their attitudes towards women, but partly because of them. James Gandolfini playing the role Tony Soprano became a veritable sex symbol of sorts. Women were drawn to his animalistic energy and macho aggressiveness. However, take the same man, and put him in the role of “Mr. Nice Guy,” and all of a sudden, he’s not so sexy. Even a conventionally handsome man like Jon Hamm is made doubly handsome by his dark and withholding nature, not to mention his flagrant disrespect of women. In last week’s episode, he tells Peggy:

You have a job that a lot of full grown men would kill for…

The implication being that as a woman, she is somehow less than a full grown man. Now, of course, this is a period show and it’s a depiction of the way attitudes were back then, but right after that show aired, a female friend of mine e-mailed me specifically raving about how amazing that scene was, how Don really “gave it good” to Peggy and what an annoying little whiner she was. In other words, she automatically was more sympathetic to the Donald Draper character than to Peggy, an ambitious young woman trying to make it on her own in a man’s world.

On “The Sopranos,” the audience is bombarded by scene after scene involving physical and mental abuse, adultery and active disrespect, and yet, millions of female fans are far more intrigued by it all than they are repulsed. Yes, it isn’t real, but is there some sort of universal truth lurking at the heart of it? It does bring up a lot of questions.

Are women just as misogynistic as men? Why are women attracted to abusive men, not only in their actual lives, but in their fantasies as well? Just what is it about Don Draper and Tony Soprano that turns them on so?

Bonus Read: Betty Draper Masturbates to Funiture