This past Saturday night, Serena Williams got a bit hot under the collar over a blown call by the line judge, and vented her frustration with the following statement:
“If I could, I would take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat!”
Serena Williams is now officially my hero.
How many times have we all felt the same consternation at our parents, bosses, friends, significant others, cashiers, gas station attendants, men’s room attendants, newspaper boys, doctors, lawyers, and impudent children but lacked the balls to stand up for ourselves with these simple yet powerful words…
“If I could, I would take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat!”
Just the other day I was having a fight with my local grocer when I was trying to return a large trout which while cleaning I noticed was absolutely crawling with worms. If I was a real man I would have told him:
“If I could, I would take this fucking large wormy trout and shove it down your fucking throat!”
I am not half the man that Serena is.
I believe Serena is the new Howard Beale and she’s just unconsciously written the ultimate slogan for a new generation. In fact, we should all collectively throw open our windows and shout our lungs out into the cold black night:
Ms. Williams may have lost the match, but like I always say, “Out of tragedy comes truth.” Sure, she’ll have one less shiny medal to place on her mantle, but we’re all the better for it. She took a stand, whereas most of us just accept the daily injustices inflicted upon us and chalk it all up as the price of doing business on planet earth. Well I say, no more.
The tour director (some mamby pamby named Jim Curley) officially fined her $10,000 for her outburst, and responded with the following remarks:
What she did was unacceptable. It’s unacceptable behavior under any circumstances. When you’re on the court, and you are waving your racket toward a linesperson and using profanity, it’s just simply unacceptable.
What a muldoon! If he had any spine, he’d stand up for his players instead of taking the side of some whiny little line judge.
Serena Williams you are a total badass, and you’ve gone up like ten steps in my book. You might have lost this year’s US open, but you’ve opened my heart. I applaud you!
More on these topics:
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Oliver Miller says:
Didn't she also shatter a Titanium tennis racket with a single blow? That's impressive. If I tried that, it would bounce back and hit me in the face.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
I've always loved the Williams sisters, they're 2 beautiful and strong women and have done so much for the game!
Diane says:
The line judge was required, by the rules, to make the report to the umpire. Maybe understanding the rules first would be a good idea for you?
And...even if she weren't required to do so, it was in no "whiny" to do what she did. I know that in this culture we admire bullies and blame victims, but it is a sick philosophy.
Also, since when is maleness equal to courage?
Branwyn Lancourt says:
Oh stop defending the line judges, you little ms. rule follower!
Venus says:
Branwyn, your an idiot.
if I could I would take this fucking mouse and shove it down your fucking throat and kill you.
Hey that did feel pretty good.
P.S. lay off the drugs man, it's fucking up your face.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
Hey I love the Williams sisters!!! Jeez, you can't win either way!
Marion Galloway says:
I wish Serena had shoved the ball down that womans throat, that was no way a foot fault. I can't believe people are making such a big deal about this. When Roger Federer swore at the umpire it has barely been mentioned. Complete double standards of all the people gunning for Serena. This proves this is a sexist issue. John Mcnroe has a cheek after they way he behaved every time he played.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
I totally agree.
Anna says:
Dude, I totally agree. I'm glad someone finally said it. I'd have chickened out and thought, "Oh, tournament rules. I might lose my title, blah, blah, blah," and went on to lose the match anyway because I'd be so effed-up inside with anger. I felt a little sorry for the line judge, but then again, when they make mistakes, they gotta get called for it. Wanna bet that *that* line judge would never make a mistake again?
Branwyn Lancourt says:
she's a total bad ass!
Venus says:
uhh.. there's a pretty big difference between federer swearing cuz he's mad and serena threatening to kill a line judge u know?
i bet if serena went into an even worse tirade that included raping and killing of every member of the line judge's family, you americans would be like "WOW SHE'S TOTAL BAD ASS! MY NEW IDOL! I LOVE HER" much like you guys are now... you guys have serious issues.
Venus says:
P.S. I agree the line judge fucked up and should not have made that call. People make mistakes, no one deserves to be threatened like that. If the committee knows what they are doing, Serena should/will get punished further.
Joe Cool says:
Branwyn,
Let us just set the record straight. There were 127 women's single matches during the US Open. There were 31 foot faults called of which Serena had two. THERE WAS ONLY ONE FOOT FAULT CALLED ON A SECOND SERVE IN 127 MATCHES! My case rests!
Branwyn Lancourt says:
not sure what the point is?
Tahoe Editor says:
Please delete the "and kill you"s from each iteration. She did not say that.
Anyone who takes Serena's alleged "threat" seriously is a total moron and a hater.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
I'm merely writing about what's been reported in the news... As I've said before, I love Serena, and if she DIDN'T say that.. she SHOULD have!
Tahoe Editor says:
You write that her statement included "and kill you".
That's just falsehood.
This piece will be much more hilarious and worthwhile -- not to mention accurate (does that matter?) -- once you fix this error.
She's my hero, too. Why not do right by her?
Tahoe Editor says:
(I'd be much more inclined to pass this around if it were accurate. As it is I've been holding off ... )
Branwyn Lancourt says:
You know what... I WILL take it out.. Because, I also have heard many reports that the 'I'll kill you part' was a total media fabrication...
Tahoe Editor says:
Actually, it was a fabrication of the non-English-speaking lineswoman. She heard "If I could, I would take this fucking ball and shove it down your fucking throat," and the best translation she could offer to the chair was:
"She say I kill you."
Thanks much.
airheadgenius says:
When you say "clean a trout" do you mean gut it or just wash it?
If the former, then you have shot up in my estimation and I no longer see you as some whiny sap that can't take care of himself. This may mark a new direction in our friendship.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
gut it of course!
spirit says:
are you for real? some uptight haughty acting nigglet gets out of control and you admire her? ugh, she with her ancestors should have been left in Africa!
Branwyn Lancourt says:
You should be left under a rock.
Brian O'Neill (real name) says:
So, Branwyn, Serena Williams is your hero for insulting and menacing a woman half her size and showing herself to be a bad sport. It doesn't matter, but the lineswoman made the correct call. If she blew the call she didn't deserve to be treated so shabbily. Serena was getting her ass kicked and snapped. She didn't have the decency to admit it right away and apologize for her crappy behaviour, but had to wait and be shown the error of her ways and the losses that would derive monetarily and pr-wise. This is not hero material. A guy that would choose such a hero is, I agree, not half the man Serena is. And look into some anger management classes, fuckhead.
Branwyn Lancourt says:
Oh blow it out your bung hole fucktard.
Leo says:
I love u dude. And I luv williams. Well done on winning the Australian open 2010 Williams.
And WHAT A HILARIOUS PIECE dude, congrats haha!!!