These days, it seems that the Brits are on the cutting edge of divorce-related commerce.  From the folks across the pond who first brought us divorce cakes and divorce gift cards, we now have divorce gift registries.  Debenhams, a British department store chain recently launched a divorce gift list service in part to jump on the divorce celebration bandwagon, and in part to “provide assistance to someone who has had to divide the assets.”

Debenhams head of retail services Peter Moore notes that, “A divorce means that one partner will be leaving the marital home and therefore be left without any essentials in their new house…[A] divorce gift list means that family and friends can help the newly separated begin their new life.”  In addition to items like cookware, cutlery, glasses, bed linen, towels, and toasters, the Debenhams gift list includes starting over “essentials” such as large plasma screen TVs and computer games.

But what about the newly separated who are also parents?  What useful items might they need as they rebuild, heal, and help their child cope with their new reality, particularly if the children will be living between two households?

Here’s my list of essentials for a New Co-Parent’s Gift Registry:

Clothing and Miscellaneous

□ Kids’ socks, underwear, socks, shoes, socks, snow pants, socks, inhalers, toiletries, favorite bedtime books, and socks, enough for two households

□ 7 pairs of sweats so that at least you can change them during the early days of the break up when you just can’t muster the energy to put on real clothes

Services and Pharmaceuticals

□ Therapy…for everybody.

□ Trial subscription to Match.com or other dating service

□ Anti-depressants to be taken after seeing the dating prospects on Match.com or other dating service

□ Anti-depressants to be taken when the full impact of “I’m getting divorced” knocks you on your ass

□ 6-hours worth of sessions with a trained mediator, in an effort to avoid family court

□ The services of a translator for when you and your ex clearly aren’t speaking the same language

□ Vouchers for high-quality, unlimited childcare when you need a break, or when you need to spend some one-on-one time with one child in particular

□ A “Massage of the Month” membership

□ Weekly housekeeping and laundry service until the ink is dry on the divorce decree

Odds and Ends

□ Pre-paid calling cards totally 60,000 minutes for calls to your attorney, therapist, friends, relatives, and all the places you’ll need to change your name and/or mailing address.

□ Smelling salts in the event mediation fails and you recall your attorney’s hourly rate…and the fact that she charges just to read your emails.

□ Rose-colored glasses once you begin to transfer your life’s savings directly into your attorney’s kid’s college fund.

□ Ear plugs to block out unsolicited advice and gossip from well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbors, strangers–anyone who wishes to turn your divorce into a reality TV show for their viewing pleasure.

Dining

□ A freezer full of homemade, organic, healthy, kid-friendly meals

□ A year’s supply of reusable or recyclable paper and plastic dishes and cutlery

□ Unlimited supply of beer to cry in until you’re done feeling sorry for yourself.  Recommended: any of the Belgian whites.

Books and Entertainment

□ A copy of Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life

□ A copy of Divorce Sucks: What To Do When Irreconcilable Differences, Lawyer Fees, and Your Ex’s Hollywood Wife Make You Miserable by Mary Jo Eustace, whose husband left her for Tori Spelling–to remind yourself that things could be worse.

□ For the kids, a copy of Mr. Rogers’ Let’s Talk About It: Divorce book, and the movie Mrs. Doubtfire (previewed by you, of course)

□ DVD of Kramer vs. Kramer for detailed instructions on how not to conduct your divorce proceedings

□ DVD of Love Actually to keep hope alive

□ And–what the heck?–a large plasma screen TV on which to watch the movies, because they totally count as therapy.

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Well, that’s my list.  What would you include on a divorcing co-parent’s gift registry?

photo by ttnk

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