My dog’s breath smells like if cheese had an asshole.

I know Nazis are evil, but you have to admit they’re cute when they’re super little or elderly or sleeping.

I wanna make a T shirt that says, “MR. ROGERS WAS RIGHT.”

Mexican food is the steroids of the “Most-Stuff-Shooting-Out-of-Your-Ass-In-The-Least-Amount-Of-Time” competition.

I’m worried about Tiger’s balls. They aren’t used to having the same semen in there this long.

The richest black man in NYC has got to be Duane Reade.