After a short sabbatical from Bathroom journalism while I attempted to live solely inside my bathroom like the unnamed Parisian in Jean–Philippe Toussaint’s wonderful Novella The Bathroom, I am back and ready to discuss all the relevant bathroom-related news one misses while actually living inside a bathroom. *

Every few years it seems as though a think tank at P&G gets together to see what they can add to a razor to convince people that what they currently own is obsolete. This seems like a good pretense for an episode of Mad Men. It is also, in my opinion, an annual money grubbing tradition. Ever since November 15, 1904, when patent #775,134 was granted to King C. Gillette for a, “Safety Razor,” a rapid evolution has taken place. New brands enter the market, and are quickly bought by P&G if they are the least bit successful. And new innovations in the razor business take place constantly. From Gillette’s Track II, the first mass produced multi-blade razor in the U.S. with a disposable blade cartridge, Gillette has been able to sell the cartridges at a higher price than the single blades, allowing higher profits, and beginning an astounding series of prolific innovations that some would call necessary, and others would call bullshit.

Gillette Innovation Timeline

1977: The Atra (Pivoting head)

1985: The Atra Plus (with lubricating strip)

1989: Sensor System (Twin Blades, Spring-loaded, aloe)

1994: Sensor Excel (Same as the sensor but with a more kick ass name and has something called Gillette calls “microfins”)

1998: Mach3 (3 Blades. Also sounds like it’s an airplane. Used by Tiger Woods and Roger Federer)

2001: Mach 3 Turbo (An even faster airplane)

2003: M3 Turbo Champion (in race car red) M3 Turbo G-Force (Granite Handle)

2004: M3 Power (Vibrates. Claims to raise up hairs before they are shaven. This claim was ruled as unsubstantiated and inaccurate by a federal judge)

2005: M3 Power Nitro (This is getting ridiculous. Inspired by high performance racing vehicles.)

2005: Fusion (5 Blades, Trimmer on back)

2005: Fusion Power (5 Blades, Vibrates)

2007: Fusion Power Phantom (Sleek, Black)

2008: Fusion Phenom (Manual or Power)

2009: Fusion Gamer (Used only by God)

For once however Gillette seems to have been beat at its own game by two Florida brothers Louis and Peter Tomassetti, whose invention — The Shave Mate — administers shaving cream straight from the razor to your skin!

The Shave Mate comes in two flavors: “Diva” for women and “The Titan” for men. Both seem to be exactly the same except the Diva is pink and spits out pink shaving cream. They have been picked up by Walgreens to be sold nationwide. With corny and unknown British TV personality Anthony Sullivan as their spokesman, Shave Mate seems like it might be just ridiculous enough to convince consumers that all other razors are obsolete… that is, until they use it.

Boasting six (“Count ‘Em!”) blades, and having actual shaving cream dispense from the handle, the Shave Mate seems like just the razor for the 21^st century male. But right out of the package you can tell that the Shave Mate is cheaply made. It has the unsurprisingly shoddy craftsmanship one finds with many “As Seen On TV” Products. Still, as a shave aficionado, I was excited to try this puppy out — especially considering its possible historical spot in the timeline of razor innovation.

I turn the bottom of the razor, which doubles as an on-off switch, to “on,” and push down to dispense the shaving cream. At first I think, cool, my razor dispensed shaving cream! Then I rub it on my face and it does not feel like much thought was put into the shaving cream itself. It’s okay, but it has no perfume to it, and it’s rather thick, but not lathery. I continue on and shave with the six-bladed razor, and I’m not impressed. Some would say the more blades, the closer the shave; but I tend to believe the more blades, the more chance you have of cutting yourself and walking around with toilet paper on your face for the next hour. My theory rings true with the Shave Mate. There’s only a very weakly-lubricated aloe strip above the blades, the kind most of us are used to seeing on their Gilettes. The bulky handle doesn’t make it easier to control the blade, and it’s an awkward shape.

Altogether the shave is not terrible but definitely nothing special. I would compare it to the shave from a mid-level disposable three-blade razor. I’m also wary of the amount of shaves the cream in the handle will hold up for; especially for women and all the distance they have to cover (even though I think most of you are vagazzling these days anyway). The Shave Mate will make a wonderful razor for the man on the go. I myself would put it in my weekend bag (yes, I have a bag, and it’s for weekends), so it’s not a complete disappointment, but its not going to eat into Gilette’s profits. At the end of the day, the Shave Mate makes me wonder if we are at a point where shave technology (in terms of a the manual razor) is finally at a standstill. But I will leave it up to the fine people at Gillette to see what they come up with next. It’s the best a man can get, right?

* I did not actually live inside my bathroom but I did read the novella and now want to as it seemed like an interesting idea.

Not only have the Japanese brought us the most technologically advanced toilet the world has ever seen  (see: Where is  My Japanese Toilet), they are also at the forefront of what I like to call “Toilet Education.” Westerners tend to the puritanical when it comes to discussing bodily functions, the Japanese on the other hand seem to be more open in this area, especially when it comes to toilet training their kids. While parents here in the US are busy thinking of pet names for their children’s feces so as to avoid teaching them a bad word, the Japanese have developed the realm of Potty-Training-Entertaining. Enter Pants Pankuro, best known of the toilet training shows to come out of Japan. It aired on Japanese public television from 2004 – 2008.

Here we see Pants meeting his good friend Mr. Toilet

Heres a fun song about poo.

And here is the famous Shimajiro, a popular education program in Japan. Shimajiro has also become an internet sensation.

America, take a tip from the land of the Super Toilet and let our kids learn from toilets that talk!

On September 28 2009,  a couple was caught by numerous citizen journalists having a bit of good old Texas fun  in a bathroom stall at the new 1.5 Billion dollar Dallas Cowboys stadium. If only Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson had gotten this creative once in a while their relationship might have lasted.

According to the British branch of the website PCAdvisor, 17% percent of Twitter users tweet from the bathroom; this probabaly explains the sounds tweeted by Shaq on The_Real_Shaq!

American Standard is hosting  a “Tell Us Your Best Toilet Story” contest on Facebook. Check it out. There are some bizarre entries facebook.com/AmericanStandardBrands.

According to the New York Post  the Japanese airline ANA is asking passengers to relieve themselves before they get on the plane for a flight in the hope that this will reduce the overall weight of the plane. ANA hope this will save enough fuel to eliminate five tons of carbon emissions a month.

On account of the local economic crisis, Irish Primary school students in the southern county of Cork are being asked to bring their own toilet paper to school. I can only imagine the embarrassment when a kid leaves the classroom, toilet roll in hand, not a single soul unaware what he/she is about to attend to.

In what is probably this week’s most joyous bathroom news the State of Connecticut has passed a law mandating  use of off- limits bathrooms in public places. Here is an excerpt from the law. NY Gov. take note.

(b) Any retail establishment that has a restroom for employee use, which typically does not permit customer access to such employee restroom, shall permit a customer to use the employee restroom during normal business hours if the restroom is maintained in a reasonably safe manner and all of the following conditions are met:

(1) The customer requesting access to the employee restroom presents written evidence, issued by a licensed health care provider, that documents that the customer suffers from an eligible medical condition;

(2) A public restroom is not immediately accessible to the customer;

(3) At the time that the request for access to the employee restroom is made, three or more employees of the retail establishment are working; and

(4) The employee restroom is located in an area of the retail establishment that does not present an obvious risk to the health or safety of the customer or an obvious security risk to the retail establishment.

These scenes give us a peephole into a room that is usually locked. And behind that locked door lies the perfect crossroads between sexuality and humor. The bathroom is  a no-mans land where the fundamental rules of cinema don’t apply. We find it incredibly difficult to look away.

The Godfather (1972)

One of the most famous scenes in all of modern cinema is possible because of a hidden gun behind a toilet. Although the scene itself may not last very long inside the bathroom, the toilet with the gun behind it  that Michael Corelone uses to kill Sollozzo may just be the most famous toilet in all of film. There’s nothing I enjoy more than a famous toilet.

Porkies (1982)

The infamous shower scene in Porkies sets the bar for nudity in all male coming-of -age films to follow. The scene even graces the film’s poster.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)

When you think of great cinematic triumphs, Judge Reinhold masturbating is not what usually comes to mind. However, Fast Times At Ridgemont High’s poolside fantasy scene, one that could rival any surreal image Fellini ever shot, is one of the great scenes in modern cinema.  Reinhold is imagining Cates busting out of her top when she walks in on him satisfying himself in the bathroom overlooking the pool.  The look on her face in this still says it all.

The Big Lebowski (1998)

“We will cut off your Johnson”

The Dude knows how to enjoy a bath. He’s enjoying this one until it is ruined by nihilists who throw a marmot in the water. For your viewing pleasure, here is a clip of some of The Big Lebowski’s best scenes (bathtub not included). Though it is relevant because it opens with the The Dude’s head being shoved in a toilet.

Billy Madison (1995)

Before Adam Sandler made crap, he made us laugh.

Psycho (1960)

Maybe the most memorable of all bathroom scenes in film. Hitchcock deeply understands the cinematic values of the bathroom. As a director Hitchcock tends to lean on the voyeuristic side, making the bathroom an ideal setting.

American Psycho (2000)

A bathroom scene that sets the tone for an entire movie. I have always wished I could groom myself like Christian Bale does at the beginning of this film. He just looks so goddamn clean. Honestly, if your grooming standards are on par with his,  go ahead and be a psycho.

The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

Wes Andersen is a true master of film score. Here he is at his best. A wonderfully bizarre scene with a great deadpan ending.

The Shining(1980)

Jack Nicholson in a bathroom  is scary even when he’s not crazy…

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

I forgot about this one until I saw it on TV a few days ago. Sadly it took me until now to understand the  whole #2 joke. Hilarious.

Full Metal Jacket (1987)

It is no surprise that Kubrik makes the list twice with one of the more intense scenes on the list.

Everyone fancies himself a bathroom philosopher. Whether it’s formulating bathroom etiquette (e.g. “If it’s brown flush it down; if it’s yellow let it mellow”) or concocting a novel while sitting on the toilet, most people stick to the notion that their best thinking gets done in the most private of rooms. Sir Winston Churchill (savior of the British Isles during WWII) dictated many of his speeches while lying back in his tub; an inspiring thought for us bath lovers, though it was probably less wonderful for his typist.

Our best window into bathroom philosophy is the anonymous world of bathroom graffiti which, because it is so easily photographed with a Smartphone or whatever miniature camera you happen to carry around, has become a popular topic on Internet message boards over the past few years.  Bathroom graffiti has sprouted such sites as thewritingsonthestall.com and graffitiproject.com. Although photographs and records of this phenomenon are abundant, they are often disorganized, which makes it somewhat tedious to sift through them. Drawing on my travels in cyberspace, I  have put together a best-of-the-web list of bathroom graffiti.

George Bush’s election and subsequent failures may have been the best thing to happen to bathroom graffiti since the Sharpie. In this piece, our artist channels Abbie Hoffman.

From: http://www.buzzfeed.com/toilettalk/the-eleven-best-hipster-bathroom-graffiti-moments-ghj

Obama inspired?

From: http://blog.designpublic.com/2007/03/22/bathroom-graffiti-meets-modern-technology/

Nerdy

If this is the case, do hobbits have special toilets?

From: http://graffitiproject.blogspot.com/2007/07/frodo-lives.htm

I’m shocked I have never seen an MIT student wearing this on a t-shirt in Boston.

From: http://www.graffitiproject.com/photo/loading-1?context=latest

Poetic

I wonder if anyone was at the next urinal while this guy was counting the syllables of his haiku on his fingers?

From: http://www.graffitiproject.com

Drugs

A rather straightforward message.

From: http://www.graffitiproject.com/photo/enjoy-cocaine?context=latest

Literary

From the hand of Beckett.

From: http://katra.vox.com/library/photo/6a00c2251ded1f8e1d00c2251d039b8fdb.html

A play on a classic. Turns out this is the number to a bookstore in Wellesley MA.

From:www.publishersweekly.com

Oedipal

From Freud’s archives.

From: http://www.bestviral.com/image/1g/go_home_mom_youre_drunk

Religious

True!  He fixed my Corolla yesterday.

From: http://www.graffitiproject.com/photo/i-heart-ny/next?context=latest

Bathrooms

This is something I have always wondered myself when in a public bathroom.

Pop Culture

Spotted in NYC a reference to maybe the best youtube video of all time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM.

From: http://blog.rifftrax.com/2008/11/17/nyc-bathroom-graffiti/

Sexual Fantasy:

“I want to make out with Willy Wonka”

The only question is: Johnny Depp or Gene Wilder?

From: http://www.flickr.com/photos/chickygirl/31802840/

Music

This one really excited me. You have to love the reference to the Boyz.

Rebellion

This guy is a real rabble- rouser.

From://verdinobytes.com/i-just-wrote-on-the-wall

And of course the infamous bacon dispenser category……….

From: http://redhanded.hobix.com/cult/foxBaconInGlasgow.html

From: http://www.core77.com/blog/archive/200811.asp

Add your favorite graffiti in the comments section and let us know what category you would put it in.

Since the dawn of time, Japan has outdone the rest of the world in what some might consider the realm of unnecessary technological advancement (take for example Nintendo and Tamagotchi). Most of these products end up hitting the American marketplace, sometimes changing our lives forever, while others simply cause riots at toy stores during the holiday shopping rush.

But even when it comes to the bathroom, the Western World has been frustratingly slow in adopting Japan’s incredible technological advancements. Once and for all, I think it is time to indulge Americans with preheated toilet seats in the winter and refreshing bathroom air-conditioning in the summer.

The Japanese “Super Toilet” has a startling array of state-of-the-art features. Known as a “Washlet” in Japan, the Super Toilet’s many functions include: a pre-warmed seat, massage options, auto-lid opening with proximity sensor, blow dryer, germ-resistant seat, air conditioning, glow-in-the-dark surface, dual water jets with soap mixture, as well as music to help you relax. Oh, as well as the O-Zone deodorant system that eliminates bad smells.

If that list does not make you cry out for a Japanese toilet, there’s more. The toilets offer numerous health benefits (from healing hemorrhoids to stretching hamstrings). And it doesn’t stop here. Coming attractions include built-in medical systems that will analyze your urine and send the information directly to your doctor via wireless Internet.

If you find yourself in Japan or are lucky enough to saddle one of the few super toilets to be found here in the USA, you will instantly find yourself perplexed by the forty button LCD control panel because the instructions are written only in Kanji. You could very quickly wind up with your toilet playing an unstoppable cycle of Mendelssohn’s Op. 62., or a stream of soapy water straight to the eyes.

So on this note I make a plea. I don’t think it’s asking much. I just want a fully functioning, English language, Japanese toilet.

I consider myself a bathroom aficionado. How I came to hold the crown of  “king of bathrooms” stems from my perfect pedigree. A Roth-ian Jewish upbringing, coupled with an early diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, ensured that the bathroom would be my domain. The struggle for cleanliness is constant, so I have developed a keen eye for bathroom design and function. I consider the Xcelerator hand dryer the best technological advancement of the past 15 years.

Since moving to New York City one year ago, I have come to realize the importance of public restrooms in a New Yorker’s life.  New Yorkers spend so much time on the go, trying to stay out of their apartments for one reason or another. We are often forced to confront the age-old issue of where to pee. Women claim that this is only a problem for them, and that members of the male persuasion can go “anywhere they want.” But in the Big Apple there are so many people around, including policemen, that nobody can “go anywhere”–not even dogs. Finding a place to pee in NYC becomes a great equalizer. We are all in the same boat. And the boat stinks.

Bathroom expert that I am, I have the ability to quickly and discreetly find facilities all over the city. I’m going to share the best, worst, weirdest and wildest with you.

Today: Chain Businesses

Cleanliness Scale
1 = Disgusting
5 = Eat off the floor

1. Barnes and Noble
What could be better than books and bathrooms? Spot a B & N after a 20 oz. soda and you’re home free. The bathrooms are spacious and usually your standard three urinal/two stall deals. B & N puts them in the Children’s Books section. I guess it was either that or self-help.
Cleanliness: 3.5
Downside: There are lots of stairs. (Note: 66th St. B & N is all elevators.)

2. Loehmann’s
Discount chain stores realize that a great way to draw customers in is an all-access bathroom. And they have figured out how to regulate homeless usage. (How? That remains to be discovered.) Loehmann’s often runs out of soap, which can be a real drag. The restrooms are roomy and appear to be cleaned often and with great care.  Women will have to wait in line, but that is the price you pay for a bargain!
Downside: Scarce.

3. Starbucks
Hands-down, every New Yorker’s go-to public restroom. There is one on every corner, making it one of the easiest to find–and the most crowded. Many of the locations in high-traffic areas require keys that are attached to large unsanitary cooking utensils. There is nothing like finally finding a bathroom then learning you have to get a key for access. Starbucks also has the walk-in issue. In any single toilet bathroom, a broken or forgotten lock almost guarantees a walk-in.
Cleanliness: 2
Downside: Have not curbed homeless usage.

4. Chipotle
Burritos and clean bathrooms are a necessary pairing. This makes sense. Chipotle keeps up its end of the bargain with spotless single toilet/foam soap goldmines. Not all restaurants have adopted this logic.
Cleanliness: 5
Downside: Odor problems are to be expected.

5. Filene’s Basement
Another discount store that uses the public restroom to lure customers. Not as clean as Loehmann’s, but a good place to keep on your list. Filene’s sometimes has the ever-so-awkward, “urinal next to a regular toilet with no dividers” problem.

This is an age-old issue and if someone could only enlighten me as to why bathrooms like this even exist, I would be delighted.
Cleanliness: 2
Downside: The bargain-hunter sitting on the toilet adjacent to yours trying to make small talk about the deal he just got on those Michael Kors khakis while you pee.

Pee-er Beware:

1. McDonalds: If there is bacteria in the burgers then God only knows what is on the toilet seat.

2. Duane Reade: Employees only. No lack of TP, though.

3. Urban Outfitters: Why would I want to pull down these jeans after it took me a half hour to put them on?